IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People are becoming more dependent on technology.Is this a positive or negative development?

Today ,there is an ongoing debate about whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 easier or complex
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Views on
this
Linking Words
 issue vary significantly.
Advocate
Correct subject-verb agreement
Advocates
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 believe technological advances have made our lives more enjoyable. One important reason is that
technology
Use synonyms
 offers a variety of systems that enrich our
life
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 experiences.
For example
Linking Words
, thanks to the development of navigation systems, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 can go on road trips to explore the world, broaden their horizons
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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. As virtual
technology
Use synonyms
 continues to advance,
people
Use synonyms
 can even enjoy the wonders of the virtual world
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Meanwhile, technological advances have significantly enhanced
people
Use synonyms
’s quality of
life
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. Smart home systems enable
people
Use synonyms
 to operate household appliances remotely, effectively saving time and energy
while
Linking Words
 greatly boosting comfort and convenience in everyday
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, after a tiring day at work,
people
Use synonyms
 can remotely set their air conditioner to a comfortable temperature before arriving home, allowing them to relax instantly
..
Punctuation problem
.
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On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Some
Fix capitalization
some
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people
Use synonyms
 argue
Use synonyms
technology
Correct word choice
that technology
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 brings some negative effects ,one of
It
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is
it
Correct word choice
that it
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 causes
people
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 to feel anxious
.generally
Punctuation problem
. Generally
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 speaking ,we are flooded with vast amounts of information on a daily basis. sometimes even contradictory content, which can make us feel confused.
In addition
Linking Words
, it affects
people
Use synonyms
’s normal social lives. To be specific,
people
Use synonyms
 who spend long hours on computers are easily drawn to games, short videos and movies, which may lead them to become addicted to entertainment.
As a result
Linking Words
, they gradually disconnect from the real world and may even suffer from mental health problems. Ultimately, it erodes human connection.In conclusion, despite the fact
Use synonyms
technology
Correct word choice
that technology
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take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
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 some trouble to us,
such
Linking Words
 as causing anxiety and bed affect ,I am still convinced that
technology
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 our
life
Use synonyms
 simpler because it
made
Wrong verb form
makes
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 our lives more enjoyable. and enhanced
people
Use synonyms
’s quality of
life
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear at the start. Say early that this is mostly a positive change.
task response
Explain the negative side a bit more, then show why the good side is stronger.
task response
Use one or two more clear examples that are real and specific.
coherence and cohesion
Put commas and full stops more carefully. Some long lines are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph to one main idea so your essay is easier to read.
task response
You answer both sides and give your own view in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples like road trips and smart homes to support ideas.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interact
  • changed
  • technology
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • connectivity
  • access to information
  • enhanced communication
  • face-to-face interaction
  • reliance on technology
What to do next:
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