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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People are becoming more dependent on technology.Is this a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, there is a heated debate over whether growing dependence on
technology
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 brings more benefits or drawbacks. As for
this
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, opinions on
this
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 matter vary greatly. Supporters believe that high
technology
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 can improve
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people
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’s quality of
life
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.It can replace boring, tiring and time-consuming household tasks. A typical example is the cleaning robots in smart home systems, which can plan cleaning routes
according to
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 different home layouts. They can clean floors thoroughly and save
people
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 a great deal of trouble.
This
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 is especially beneficial for
people
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 living in cities with poor air quality, where daily home cleaning is essential .
In addition
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, high
technology
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 makes communication much easier. With smartphones, we can make video calls to discuss business with colleagues or customers anytime and anywhere, which improves work efficiency.
Furthermore
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,
technology
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 enables us to stay connected with our family members in daily
life
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. For
people
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 who live overseas, video calls can effectively ease homesickness
..
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.
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 Critics argue that over-reliance on
technology
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 weakens
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people
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’s ability to think deeply. Relying on AI for writing, decision-making and answers reduces our capacity for independent thinking, analysis and judgment. Meanwhile, our memory, concentration and creativity
also
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 decline
,
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.
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 What is more,
technology
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 has disrupted daily
life
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. With the widespread use of big data and AI, leading to personal information leakage. Personal information can be collected and exploited
,
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.
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As a result
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,
people
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 receive countless harassing and scam calls every day, which disrupts daily
life
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 but
also
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 creates a sense of insecurity among users. In conclusion, despite the increasing dependence on
technology
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has
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having
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 some drawbacks ,
such
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 as
it weakens
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weakening
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people
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’s ability to think deeply and disturb peopel's daily lives， its benefits in improving living standards and communication are more significant .
Therefore
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 am still convinced that enhanced
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people
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’s quality of
life
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 and makes communication much easier.

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task response
Make your opinion more clear in the first part and keep it the same to the end.
task response
Explain the bad side more fully. Some ideas are good, but they need deeper support.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence links. A few parts are not smooth or are joined in the wrong way.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeat words like technology and people too many times close together.
task response
You answer both sides and give your own view in the end.
task response
You use clear examples, like cleaning robots and video calls.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: opening, two body parts, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas follow a logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interact
  • changed
  • technology
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • connectivity
  • access to information
  • enhanced communication
  • face-to-face interaction
  • reliance on technology
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