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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in some countries,owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be the case Do you think this iis positive or negative situation

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Introduction
It is indeed true that,
At the
Correct determiner usage
at
show examples
present
Add a comma
present,
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
 think taking
Use synonyms
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
 for rent is more
essentials
Replace the word
essential
 for survival in different countries.
According to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
my mindset, I think there is a positive
tendancy
Correct your spelling
tendency
.
However
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
This
Fix capitalization
this
show examples
 essay
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 discuss them in detail with a summary.
Body paragraph 1
First
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the list,
people
Use synonyms
 who live in rental
houses
Use synonyms
 can travel to the places they
think
Verb problem
prefer
show examples
 by renting
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
house
Use synonyms
 from their
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 locations.
one
Fix capitalization
One
show examples
 of the major
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for
that is
Linking Words
 that
individuals
Use synonyms
 should not be
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
sold
that
Fix the agreement mistake
those
show examples
houses
Use synonyms
. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 those
people
Use synonyms
 did not
owned
Wrong verb form
own
show examples
 it,
So
Fix capitalization
so
show examples
 they only rented
thats
Correct your spelling
those
houses
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can travel
different
Change preposition
to
show examples
 different cities with
free
Correct article usage
a free
show examples
 mindset with their families by renting
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
house
Use synonyms
.Eventualy which
people
Use synonyms
 may have
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to get
expiriences
Correct your spelling
experiences
 in different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of villages.
Body paragraph 2
For instance
Linking Words
, my uncle live in australia did not like to
bought
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
houses
Use synonyms
. He
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not like to live in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 locations.
Hence
Linking Words
,
that is
Linking Words
 why beleive renting
Use synonyms
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
 is more
esssential
Correct your spelling
essential
 for
individuals
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 3
Secondly
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
 who live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
by renting
houses
Use synonyms
 should not invest
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 amount of
money
Use synonyms
gain
Verb problem
to buy
show examples
 the
house
Use synonyms
. The reason
for
Verb problem
is
show examples
 that these
people
Use synonyms
 should only pay key
money
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
house
Correct article usage
the house
show examples
.
compaired
Correct your spelling
Compared
 to owning
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
house
Punctuation problem
house,
show examples
 they need
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
anmount
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
money
Use synonyms
 to buy those
houses
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
that
Correct word choice
,
show examples
 citizens can save their
money
Use synonyms
 for future
investements
Correct your spelling
investments
 and can survive freely without financial issues. Eventually,
people
Use synonyms
 may
can
Verb problem
be able to
show examples
 enjoy with their families by not having financial problems.
For example
Linking Words
,
Most of
Change preposition
most
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from financial issues bacause for contstructing or buying new
houses
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
That
Fix capitalization
that
show examples
 is why
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe renting
Use synonyms
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
gain more
Verb problem
is
show examples
 happier than owning
Use synonyms
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
.
Conclusion
To put in a
nut shell
Correct your spelling
nutshell
,
people
Use synonyms
 who live in
renting
Replace the word
rented
houses
Use synonyms
 can get new experiences by mocing new locations
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
 they may have physicaly strong because they have
minimum
Correct article usage
a minimum
show examples
 amount of financial expenses.
Hence
Linking Words
 indiviuals should think twice
by
Change preposition
before
show examples
 owning a
house
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly: why people want a home, and if this is good or bad.
task response
Your view changes. In the start, you say owning is important, but your ideas mostly support renting. Keep one clear view.
task response
Use main ideas that fit the topic. The task is about owning a home, not why renting is easier.
task response
Give one or two clear reasons, then explain each with a simple example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not link well. Use simple links like first, also, because, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph. Do not mix many ideas in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Check word order and grammar, because some parts are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You give an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You try to add examples and reasons.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs to organize your essay.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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