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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of immigrants to Australia from five countries in 1962, 1982 and 2002.

This
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 bar chart illustrates the
proportion
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 of
immigrants
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 to Australia from five different countries
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as the UK, New
Zealand
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, India, Vietnam and Italy
in
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, in
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 1962, 1982 and 2002.
Overall
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, Italy accounted for the highest
proportion
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 in 1962,
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however
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apply
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it shows a downward trend. India and Vietnam had surged and
then
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 dropped slightly. The UK and New
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zealand
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Zealand
show examples
 had relatively low fluctuation. In 1962, Italian
immigrants
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 accounted for the largest
proportion
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 of Australia’s total immigrant population, at approximately 40%.
However
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, the
proportion
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 declined significantly over the following two decades, falling around 20% in 1982 and
further
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 declining to 15% in 2002.
In contrast
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, the share of Vietnamese
immigrants
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 increased dramatically from about 10% in 1962 to 25% in 1982, making it the largest group at that time, before falling slightly to around 13% in 2002. The
proportion
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 of Indian
immigrants
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 showed a clearly upward trend from 3% in 1962 to 14% in 2002. The proportions of
immigrants
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 from the UK and New
Zealand
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 remained relatively stable. Notably,
,
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apply
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 New
Zealand
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 maintained a comparatively low level and recorded the lowest
proportion
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 among the five countries by 2002.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, immigrants, zealand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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