IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The world is experiencing a dramatic increase in population, This is causing problems not only for poor, undeveloped countries, but also for industrialised and developing nations. Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggest at least one possible solution.

There is no doubt that the world's population is increasing
rabidly
Use the right word
rapidly
show examples
. The real question is what
proplems
Correct your spelling
problems
this
Linking Words
 might cause for different countries. The three main issues are related to the difficulty
to get
Change preposition
of getting
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 the needed education,
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
 to live and securing a job. First of all, with the increased
number of
Check wording
apply
show examples
population, public
schols
Correct your spelling
schools
 and universities have limited the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students they can accept. As a results they have to enter
privit
Correct your spelling
private
 ones
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 not all families can afford their fees.
Second,
Linking Words
the price of buying or renting properaties wether a villa or an appartment is above what a citizen with
averge
Correct your spelling
average
 income can
affort
Correct your spelling
afford
.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, many people find themselves homeless with the
dramatical
Use the right word
dramatic
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increase
Use synonyms
 in the price of securing a place to live in.
Third,
Linking Words
the percentage of the unemployed experienced a
crices
Correct your spelling
crisis
increase
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many people lost their jobs after COVID 19 pendimic. To solve these issues, governments should play the prime role
to help
Change preposition
in helping
show examples
 citizens. They have to open more schools and universities to cope with the
increase
Use synonyms
 in learners.
Also
Linking Words
, decrease the issue of
homeless
Replace the word
homelessness
 on the streets, they may offer a
loand
Correct your spelling
loan
 to their citizen to buy a place to live.
For example
Linking Words
, in KSA, the government gives Saudis an amount of money with a flexible duration to pay back.
Adressing
Verb problem
Addressing
show examples
 the difficulty in finding a job, the government should
incourage
Correct your spelling
encourage
 companies to hire new
graduate
Check wording
graduates
show examples
 and citizens.
For instance
Linking Words
, here in
KSA
Punctuation problem
KSA,
show examples
 the government
put
Verb problem
requires
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 a minimum portion of saudis all companies in the kingdowm should have. The fast
increase
Use synonyms
 in population
over
Change preposition
around
show examples
 the world causes many issues.
However
Linking Words
, countries can solve
this
Linking Words
 issue by using the tax money to face
this
Linking Words
raise
Check wording
rise
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You list problems and solutions, but some ideas are too short.
task response
Explain each main problem with one more clear step, so the reader can see cause and result.
task response
Your examples are relevant, but some are not fully linked to overpopulation. Make the link clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used well, but a few sentences are long or not smooth. Break them into shorter parts.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion stronger by restating the main problems and main solution in a clear way.
task response
You answer both the problems and the solutions, so the essay covers the full task.
task response
You give real examples, like KSA, and this helps support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like First of all, Second, Third, Also, and However.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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