IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Essay: Some people think all lawbreakers should be sent to prison, while others think there are better alternatives for those whose crimes are minor, such as making them do work for the local community. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People
Use synonyms
 express contrasting viewpoints on the controversial issue of lawbreakers.
While
Linking Words
 I acknowledge that delinquency should be punished with
marginalization
Change the spelling
marginalisation
show examples
 and prison, I am
avid
Correct article usage
an avid
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 supporter that minor criminals could be used for local contribution. A proportion of
people
Use synonyms
emphasize
Change the spelling
emphasise
show examples
 that all lawbreakers should be sent to prison.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is ascertained that jail could eliminate and
dicrease
Correct your spelling
decrease
 crime rate
instantanewsly
Correct your spelling
instantly
.
For instance
Linking Words
, not only are
people
Use synonyms
 afraid to conduct illegal actions
due to
Linking Words
 the profound effects
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
Linking Words
also they could
Correct word order
they could also
show examples
 be deprived of their life and rights.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is underpinned that
law abiding
Correct your spelling
law-abiding
people
Use synonyms
 will be quaranteed protected by threats and dangers. All
this
Linking Words
 safety mode is completely attributed to the strict government’s policy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, countries with lower delinquency could
appeal
Verb problem
attract
show examples
 more tourism, generating a significant increase on country’s GDP( gross
dosmetic
Correct your spelling
domestic
 product).
Other
Correct determiner usage
Another
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 percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 suggest that minor prisoners could conduct work for the community. It is underscored that financial burden is
proliferated
Verb problem
placed
show examples
 on the ground that prisoners have zero responsibilities and commitments for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
development. Both the cultivation of fruits and vegetables and the allocation
help
Change preposition
of help
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 for
destitute
Correct article usage
the destitute
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 could ameliorate the standard of living and have fruitful effects. Volunteer work as a
congestion
Use the right word
counsellor
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 can delve into
psychological
Correct article usage
the psychological
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 aspects of
prisoner’s
Correct article usage
a prisoner’s
show examples
 life, tackling and curbing brutal
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, under no circumstances
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 should countries leave unpunished the irrational actions of prisoners. In conclusion, despite the fact that keeping a prisoner just in jail may have dire repercussions on society, I strongly believe that the more innovative management of them
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 more pivotal advantages could be offered.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about jail and community work, but some ideas are not fully explained.
task response
Give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. The ideas are often general and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main points easy to see. One main idea for each part is better.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way. Some parts sound unnatural.
coherence and cohesion
Check how each sentence connects to the next one. A few ideas jump too fast.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used, like while, furthermore, and in conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • lawbreakers
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitation
  • community service
  • recidivism
  • incarceration
  • public safety
  • cost-effectiveness
  • infraction
  • reintegration
  • punitive measures
  • reoffending
  • stigmatization
  • educational programs
  • counseling programs
  • alternative approaches
  • societal benefits
  • burden on taxpayers
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