IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?

Technological advancement can significantly play a role in our lives. In the current method, the way a lot of individuals engage with each other has changed
due to
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technology
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.
Although
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people
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 can make relationships in different worlds through
technology
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, they may lose their
skills
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 because of it. One of the most significant benefits of digital platforms is that individuals may create friendships through
technology
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.
This
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 advantage becomes clear when we consider that when individuals play games with others, they may make
friends
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 around the world.
For example
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, my brother, who made
friends
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 in different worlds, is learning different languages.
Overall
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, the consequence is that he achieved many successes in his life because of language ,
along with
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 the fun.
Hence
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, a major drawback is that
people
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 might waste their communication
skills
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due to
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 spending all their time using
technology
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.
This
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 means that as long as
people
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 excessively screen their time on various websites, they will probably lose
skills
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, affecting their future.
For instance
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, a study published at the University of Oxford found that
people
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 who spend time playing games and making
friends
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 just online do not have leadership roles in their community, and
therefore
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 do not have strong communication and connection
skills
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.
Consequently
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, the outcome is that
people
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 lose many chances for prototype work. In conclusion, despite the useful and valuable benefits that
people
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 make
friends
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 around the world on platforms,
such
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 as learning different languages, they might have a weak communication infrastructure, which is used in games, and lose higher positions because of their lack of connection
skills
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.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly how tech changes relationships and why this is mostly good or bad.
task response
Give one or two clear ways tech changes relationships, like online friends, less face-to-face talk, or fast contact across long distance.
task response
Your main ideas are good, but some are not fully explained. Add one more sentence to show how each point leads to your opinion.
task response
Use examples that sound more clear and real. The game example is okay, but the Oxford study part is not well linked to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used well, but a few sound forced. Use simple links like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word choice. Use shorter and simpler sentences so your ideas are easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one clear point only, then explain it, then give an example.
task response
You answered both questions, so the essay stays on topic.
task response
You gave a clear opinion: technology brings benefits but also causes loss of communication skill.
task response
You included examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is mostly easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You used linking words like for example, overall, hence, and consequently.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 ā€“ Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 ā€“ Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interact
  • Social media platforms
  • Networking
  • Instant messaging
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Misunderstandings
  • Emotional context
  • Superficial connections
  • Deceptive identities
  • Privacy concerns
  • Social skills
  • Video calls
  • Online presence
  • Digital communication
  • Cyber relationships
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