IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The personal information of many people is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Individual material of the majority of
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 is organised by huge network businesses and organisations. Collecting
data
Use synonyms
 into one place and storing it will help companies manage meritial and all the
data
Use synonyms
 can be filtered to eliminate the harmful
data
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.
On the other hand
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, if there are any problems with security accounts, the individuals can lose their assets and punctuality. On the one hand, large technology corporations tend to keep a lot of user accounts to control and organise them.
For example
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, when using dating apps, you will see a lot of offers of the
users
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 who are living near or have the same hobby as you. It is clear that the company uses their authority to navigate your
data
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.
Secondly
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, the harmful report can be deleted by the owner to protect the user.
For instance
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, when your laptop is attacked by a virus, the app manager will help the user to kill or remove it.
Therefore
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,
users
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 applicatons can be safer if the host helps you protect them. Not only that, but hackers can not steal your material because the firewalls of huge businesses will prevent them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
. When the host stores a lot of profiles, people's
data
Use synonyms
 can be leaked by mistake or by intention.
For example
Linking Words
, the staff of an internet company leaked the sensitive clip of a famous singer because he is her anti-fan.
Moreover
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, a hacker can use the personal banking of an individual who has been hacked to steal all the money they have.
Therefore
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, personal information can be threatened by guarantee problems to draw the
users
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 to difficuft situation. In conclusion,
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
show examples
data
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 of citizens is controlled by big network corporations and organisations. It helps companies manage and navigate material easily.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the bad material can be limited to protect the security of the
users
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.
Thus
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,
users
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' information are using for support themselves, and they are
also
Linking Words
 a good source for them to develop their organisations.
In contrast
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,
users
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 infomation can be revealed and threaten the security reasons.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part. Say if the good side is more than the bad side, or not.
task response
Explain each main idea more fully. Some ideas are too short or not fully clear.
task response
Use examples that are more direct and easy to believe. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part stay on one main idea. This will help your essay feel more clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way. Some parts stop too fast, like 'On the other hand.'
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. A few ideas jump too much.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic, with good points and bad points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use some examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraphing for the two sides.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Efficiency
  • Personalized content
  • Fostering global communication
  • Innovation
  • Big data
  • Privacy concerns
  • Data breaches
  • Vulnerability
  • Surveillance
  • Autonomy
  • Misinformation
  • Manipulation
  • Tailored experiences
  • Data aggregation
  • Public opinion
What to do next:
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