IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Should governments or teachers be responsible for what is to be taught in schools? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

There is a rising debate on whether
governments
Use synonyms
 or teachers should be accountable for the education
that is
Linking Words
 provided in
schools
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should be held responsible for what
should be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 taught in
schools
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 because it can help in
regulation
Correct article usage
the regulation
show examples
 of equal
levels
Use synonyms
 of education and help in
Use synonyms
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 development of a
nation
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 will help in
regulation
Correct article usage
the regulation
show examples
 of
equivalent
Correct article usage
an equivalent
show examples
 curriculum
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
same
age
Use synonyms
 group.
Students
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 who are of similar
age
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 should have attained similar
levels
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 of qualifications
ensure
Verb problem
to ensure
show examples
 fair competency at the university or college examinations. If the
governments
Use synonyms
regulates
Correct subject-verb agreement
regulate
show examples
 a standardised curriculum in their nations, the
students
Use synonyms
 will obtain knowledge at
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
levels
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.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, if teachers are made responsible for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
deciding the curriculum of
schools
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, there can be a difference in
subjects
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 or topics across all the
schools
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.
This
Linking Words
 difference can lead to a vast disparity in the knowledge gained by
students
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 of similar
age
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 in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 country.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 policy can help in the
future
Use synonyms
 development of a
nation
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.
Governments
Use synonyms
 can include
subjects
Use synonyms
 or topics that
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
 more attention for a better progression of the
nation
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.
For example
Linking Words
, if a country has higher pollution
levels
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is declining its reputation,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can include
subjects
Use synonyms
 related to environmental science in
schools
Use synonyms
. As a
reslult
Correct your spelling
result
 of
this
Linking Words
 inclusion, studying these
subjects
Use synonyms
 from a young
age
Use synonyms
 can develop
curiousity
Replace the word
curiosity
 in
students
Use synonyms
, which can
further
Linking Words
 develop into a passion to find a
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 solution
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 step can help in promoting
solution oriented
Correct your spelling
solution-oriented
 mindsets in
future
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, in my opinion,
governments
Use synonyms
 should be responsible for deciding the
subjects
Use synonyms
 that children should learn in school.
This
Linking Words
 measure not only provides equal
levels
Use synonyms
 of education to
students
Use synonyms
 of similar
age
Use synonyms
-groups, but
also
Linking Words
 helps in
Use synonyms
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 development of a
nation
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. You say the government should decide, but you should also explain more why teachers should not have the main power.
task response
Make your ideas more exact. Some parts are a bit general, so add one more clear detail to show how your point works in real school life.
task response
Check grammar in key sentences because small errors can make your main idea less clear.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with more care. A few are repeated, and some sentences are too long.
coherence cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one simple plan: main idea, reason, example, result.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it through the essay.
task response
You answer the question and give two reasons for your view.
coherence cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has one main point.
coherence cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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