IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some place old age is valuable, while in other cultures youth is considered ,ore important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some
Use synonyms
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 are given more importance over the young
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
; others think
society
Use synonyms
 should value the youth more than its
old
Correct word choice
older
show examples
 citizens. I believe that a balanced approach is ideal, as
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 populace hold valuable experience and young
people
Use synonyms
 have the strength to bring
ecomonic
Correct your spelling
economic
growth
Use synonyms
.
One
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand, elderly members of a
society
Use synonyms
 have practical experience. As they spend a significant amount of their life in
society
Use synonyms
 and
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
, they
konw
Correct your spelling
know
 their surroundings better. From their
experience
Add a comma
experience,
show examples
 they can give valuable suggestions or insights to solve social issues.
For example
Linking Words
, grandparents
almost in
Correct word order
in almost
show examples
 all cultures try to guide their grandchildren whenever any crisis arises in the life of
grandchildren
Correct determiner usage
their grandchildren
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 old
people
Use synonyms
 hold importance in
soceity
Correct your spelling
society
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 are the backbone
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the economic
growth
Use synonyms
 of a country. Young
people
Use synonyms
 are the
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
 who are actively contributing to financial
instirutions
Correct your spelling
institutions
. They bring fresh ideas and energy
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is crucial for the development of an
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, most of the
societies
Check wording
society's
show examples
 economy
advancing
Verb problem
is advancing
show examples
 in a positive way. Researchers show that countries with more youth have higher
potentian
Correct your spelling
potential
 for economic
growth
Use synonyms
.
Banladesh
Correct your spelling
Bangladesh
,
for instance
Linking Words
, with a huge number of young
citizens
Punctuation problem
citizens,
show examples
 has
hight
Correct your spelling
high
 economic
growth
Use synonyms
 for the
last
Linking Words
 several years. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, elderly
people
Use synonyms
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 experiences and young
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 materialise those
experiencs
Correct your spelling
experiences
 to bring
eoconomic
Correct your spelling
economic
growth
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay
conclues
Correct your spelling
concludes
 that a
balance
Replace the word
balanced
 approach is required to
buitd
Correct your spelling
build
 a healthier
society
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You do this, but some ideas are still short.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in each body part, not only in the introduction and end.
task response
Use one or two more clear and real examples to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are good, but a few sentences are not smooth or clear.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. A few ideas need better connection inside the paragraph.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
task response
Your main idea is clear: old people give experience and young people bring growth.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses four clear parts: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words like On the one hand, On the other hand, Therefore.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life experience
  • give advice
  • calm mind
  • family roots
  • cultural values
  • old generation
  • young generation
  • new ideas
  • adapt to change
  • physical energy
  • fresh thinking
  • modern society
  • respect for elders
  • traditional culture
  • make decisions
  • solve problems
  • work force
  • long-term success
  • social change
  • balanced view
What to do next:
Look at other essays: