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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Although
Linking Words
 some individuals argue that
competition
Use synonyms
 is significant for maintaining motivation and pushing individuals to perform better, others believe that prioritizing cooperation can improve efficiency and foster a positive work and study environment. In my opinion, considering that each viewpoint has its own pros and cons, I consider
it's
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it
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 best to encourage both a competitive and collaborative environment. It makes sense why some support
competition
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. Individuals strive to avoid falling behind and seek to distinguish themselves when participating in
competition
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.
Hence
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, they are continuously inspired and determined to keep pushing forward. In academic and professional environments,
this
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 leads to improved performance and produces more meaningful outcomes. Football serves as a prime example of
this
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 phenomenon: a player who does not perform well on multiple occasions will not be given more opportunities to compete.
As a result
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, every player works hard to be able to take part.
However
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, there are legitimate explanations as to why some prioritize cooperation. Teamwork is primarily beneficial in enhancing effectiveness. More precisely, collaborating in teams lessens the amount of time required to finish tasks or projects that would be significantly longer if done independently.
Also
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, by leveraging their individual strengths and weaknesses, team members can make up for each other's deficiencies, resulting in enhanced work quality. In Apple's workplace, the significance of collaboration is clear as sections are created to promote teamwork among employees.
Consequently
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, the company benefits from enhanced relationships among co-workers, resulting in improved performance. In summary, there are advantages to both
competition
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 and cooperation. Yet, I feel that integrating both into our daily routine is optimal
,
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apply
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 since it keeps us motivated and improves
overall
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 efficiency.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and thoroughly discusses both viewpoints. However, ensure that you fully elaborate on your opinion towards the end of the essay, possibly with specific examples or scenarios where a balanced approach of competition and cooperation would be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
While the connections between different parts of the essay are generally clear, using more varied linking words could improve the flow even further. Also, make sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader through your points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and presents the topic and your stance effectively.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples (football and Apple) to support your points, making your argument more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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