Overfishing of the world’s oceans threatens many species with extinction and puts the livelihoods of millions of people around the world at risk. What are the causes of this problem, and what can be done to prevent it from happening? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Overfishing in the oceans has endangered many species and put millions of people’s lives at risk.
This
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essay argues that the cause of overfishing is commercial activities and the high demand for
fish
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consumption, and that the government must strictly impose new regulations to prevent
this
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problem. The primary driver of overfishing is unethical corporate
practices
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. Many commercial fishing companies prioritise short-term financial gains over long-term ecological sustainability;
for instance
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, a lot of fishing industries operate their business in the oceans without limiting the number and species of
fish
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as part of their management tool design.
This
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example shows that a lot of companies still lack awareness of sustainable fishing
practices
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.
Additionally
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,
this
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action is driven by high market demand for
fish
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. As the global population grows, the demand for affordable protein sources has increased, pushing the fishing industry to catch more than the oceans can naturally replenish. To effectively combat
this
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harmful business practice, the government should impose new strict regulations to limit the number of
fish
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that the industries can catch in a given period.
Furthermore
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, to ensure strict compliance, governments must actively monitor commercial fleets and impose severe financial penalties or revoke the operating licenses of companies that exceed their allotted limits.
Consequently
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, by transforming the ocean from a free-for-all resource into a highly regulated environment, marine ecosystems will be granted the crucial time they need to naturally replenish their populations. In conclusion,
although
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the overfishing problem is primarily driven by unethical
practices
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of
businesses
Punctuation problem
businesses,
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it can be effectively mitigated if the government can regulate new strict regulations to limit their operations. Without
such
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intervention, there is no limitation to harmful business
practices
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in the fishing industry.
However
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, with proactive measures, marine ecosystems can be preserved for future generations.

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task response
For task response, answer all parts in a more full way. You gave causes and fixes, but the part about people’s jobs at risk could be more clear.
task response
For task response, add one more real or clear example. This will make your ideas stronger and more exact.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow, but some links are too simple or repeated. Try to vary how you connect ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some sentences are a bit long and heavy. Break one long idea into two short ones for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, avoid repeating 'regulate new strict regulations'. Use one clear idea only.
task response
You clearly introduced both the causes and the solutions in the first paragraph.
task response
Your main ideas stay on the topic and support your answer well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, body, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
The second paragraph and third paragraph each focus on one main idea, which helps the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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