IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people say free time activities for children should be organised by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #activities #children #parents
In today’s society, some believe that
parents
 should arrange
activities
 for their
children
 during their leisure time,
while
 others contend that allowing
children
 to choose the
activities
 they want to do is more crucial.
This
 question has become a matter of considerable debate.
Therefore
,
this
 essay will explore both viewpoints, and I believe that
children
 should have the freedom to choose the
activities
 they are interested in. On the one hand, advocates of having
parents
 arrange
activities
 argue that,
due to
 their extensive life experience and knowledge,
parents
 can select beneficial and wise
activities
 for their
children
,
such
 as piano classes, swimming lessons, and language courses—all of which contribute to developing
children
’s
overall
 abilities.
This
, in turn, not only helps them learn a wide range of useful skills but
also
 paves the way for their future.
As a result
, organising well-informed engagements by
parents
 brings about numerous benefits.
On the other hand
, proponents of empowering
children
 to choose their own leisure
activities
 assert that prioritising
children
’s hobbies and interests offers more advantages.
For instance
, if
children
 are passionate about dance, engaging in dancing
activities
 enhances their sense of satisfaction and improves their confidence, thereby boosting their
overall
 well-being.
Furthermore
, allowing
children
 to freely select
activities
 can help them discover their talents, which may open more doors for education and job opportunities in the long run. For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that having
parents
 arrange
activities
 can result in some benefits,
while
 allowing
children
 to choose their own
activities
 brings about more positive impacts,
such
 as improved well-being, increased satisfaction, and talent development.
Consequently
,
this
 approach leads to more beneficial effects for
children
.
Submitted by zora840810 on

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task achievement
The essay effectively presents both viewpoints and provides a clear opinion, staying on topic throughout. However, including more specific and varied examples could further strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Consider using a variety of linking phrases to enhance cohesion.
structure
The introduction clearly states the two sides of the debate and provides a clear thesis statement on the writer’s perspective.
structure
Each paragraph is well-organized with a clear main idea, making it easy to follow the essay’s arguments.
structure
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer’s opinion, providing a strong ending to the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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