IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life.

An increasing number of people have started to discuss whether personality and development have much more
influence
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
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 our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Some
individual
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individuals
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 agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea;
however
Linking Words
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 might not be on the same wavelength. From my perspective,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
experiences we are born with have much more
influence
Use synonyms
 Among numerous reasons supporting my ideas, the primary one is that experience is a crucial factor
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that influences our characteristics.
For instance
Linking Words
, some people encounter significant change,
such
Linking Words
 as being unemployed. They start to have financial pressure, so they learn how to save money on their daily costs, which they did not do in the past. I consider that experience is very important in our
liveslife
Correct your spelling
lives
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some adults suffered from bullying in their childhood; these,
this
Linking Words
 experiences make them become
prisoner
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prisoners
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 in their
adultadults
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adult
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life
Use synonyms
. Those who hold different views might maintain that personality and development can
also
Linking Words
 transform our
life
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 path,
however
Linking Words
but
Correct word choice
,
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 I think it is not the main reason.
Somesome
Correct your spelling
Some
 individuals born in a lovely family dofamily, they do not face challenges, so in
this
Linking Words
 situation, they don’t have transformation,but if they encounter negative changes like workplace bullying, they might have mental health issues. In conclusion, I believe that experience is a crucial factor to
influence
Use synonyms
 our
livies
Correct your spelling
lives
.
Although
Linking Words
 some people might not see eye to eye with me, and argue that personality and development
influence
Use synonyms
 our
life
Use synonyms
 path.

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task response
Answer the full question more clearly. The topic is about what has more influence: what we are born with or life experience. Your view changes, so make one clear view and keep it all through the essay.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some points are short, so the reader cannot fully see why you think experience is more important.
task response
Use examples that are more direct and specific. Your examples about losing a job and bullying are useful, but explain more clearly how they shape personality and development.
coherence and cohesion
Make paragraph order clearer. Each body paragraph should have one main idea, then support, then example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way. Some links like 'however but' and repeated words make the flow weak.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence joining and repetition. Some parts are hard to follow because of missing words or repeated words.
task response
You give a clear topic in the introduction and you show your opinion.
task response
You include examples from real life, like job loss and bullying.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has basic paragraphing, with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as 'Moreover' and 'In conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nature vs. nurture debate
  • genetic inheritance
  • personality traits
  • behavior patterns
  • heritability
  • twins studies
  • malleable characteristics
  • upbringing
  • environmental influences
  • critical periods
  • language acquisition
  • worldview
  • innate traits
  • personal experiences
  • psychological development
  • epigenetics
  • adaptive behaviors
  • cultural imprinting
  • temperament
  • social conditioning
What to do next:
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