IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

In recent years, there has been an increasing trend of people from cities buying second homes in the countryside. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

At present, the
home
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 is the most important
that
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thing that
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 people carry of it .The idea of
secound
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second
 homes become increasinglly effective.I
belive
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believe
 that secound
home
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 can lead to
other
Verb problem
getting to
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 know more about each other,in terms of
comunication
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communication
.
on
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On
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 one hand, some people argue that second homes are helping to
comuncated signficantlly
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contribute significantly
.
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for
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For
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 example,families can spend their holidays there
instead
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 of paying for hotels.
This
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 can reduce expenses in the long term and
provid
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provide
 more comfort.
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on
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On
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 the other hand, there are some disadvantages to owning an additional property. One major drawback is the high cost of maintenance, including bills, repairs, and taxes.
This
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 can place a financial burden on the owner.
Furthermore
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, in some areas, buying multiple properties may contribute to rising house prices, making it more difficult for others to afford housing. In conclusion,
although
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 owning a second
home
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 may involve extra costs and some negative impacts on the housing market, its benefits, particularly financial stability and personal convenience, make it a worthwhile investment. In conclusion,
although
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 owning a second
home
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 may involve extra costs and some negative impacts on the housing market, its benefits, particularly financial stability and personal convenience, make it a worthwhile investment.

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task response
Answer the question more clearly. Say if the good points are stronger than the bad points, and keep this idea clear in all parts.
task response
Give ideas that match the topic. Your first paragraph talks about communication, but the topic is about city people buying second homes in the countryside.
task response
Add better support for each main point. Use one clear reason and one simple example for each side.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction, one paragraph for advantages, one paragraph for disadvantages, then conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the conclusion. You wrote the same conclusion two times.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
task response
You included both advantages and disadvantages, so you tried to answer all parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
You used paragraphing and had a conclusion, which helps the reader follow your essay.
task response
You gave one example about families using the home for holidays, and this supports your point.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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