Write an essay of 250 words on the topic below. You have 30 minutes. ( May 2023) People are working harder and longer hours in our modern society. That means they are also earning more money for themselves and their families. But does this lead to a happier society? Why, or why not? Discuss your ideas and support them with reasons and examples
It is certainly true that many people worldwide are working for a long
time
and they are working hard. However
, they earn more money for themselves and their families, they are suffering from many issues like health problems, lack of leisure time
or less time
for personal development.
Working for long hours and working hard has bad effects on our health and it may cause dangerous diseases like blood pressure diseases or heart diseases. Moreover
, recent research has proved that sitting in the same place for a long time
is the main reason for back and neck pain. Consequently
, some countries like the UAE have started laws to limit the number of working hours.
Secondly
, while
some people stay at the office for a long time
, they will not have any free time
, so they will not have enough time
to spend with their families. Moreover
, they will have less leisure time
and this
will lead to fewer hobbies. For instance
, an employee who works for more than 50 hours per week, cannot do any activities during the weekend he will try to stay at home to rest. Consequently
, this
will make him most of the family celebrations and family gatherings, this
will affect his mentality in the end. Also
, he will not find any time
for professional development because of the long day at work, eventually, he cannot improve his skills because of the lack of workshops that he did not attend.
In conclusion, however
, spending most of the day working hard will improve our financial situation, but it will affect badly our health and our free time
.Submitted by waleed.edu11 on
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task achievement
You have presented a clear response to the prompt and covered multiple aspects of the topic well. However, make sure to provide more comprehensive elaboration on each point to enhance the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, work on improving the transitions between ideas to make the essay read more smoothly. Using linking words and phrases can help in creating more seamless transitions.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant and specific examples, which help to illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, ensuring that your essay has a clear starting and ending point.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?