Write an essay of 250 words on the topic below. You have 30 minutes. ( May 2023) People are working harder and longer hours in our modern society. That means they are also earning more money for themselves and their families. But does this lead to a happier society? Why, or why not? Discuss your ideas and support them with reasons and examples

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It is certainly true that many people worldwide are working for a long

time

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and they are working hard.

However

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, they earn more money for themselves and their families, they are suffering from many issues like health problems, lack of leisure

time

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or less

time

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for personal development. Working for long hours and working hard has bad effects on our health and it may cause dangerous diseases like blood pressure diseases or heart diseases.

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, recent research has proved that sitting in the same place for a long

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is the main reason for back and neck pain.

Consequently

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, some countries like the UAE have started laws to limit the number of working hours.

Secondly

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while

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some people stay at the office for a long

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, they will not have any free

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, so they will not have enough

time

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to spend with their families.

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, they will have less leisure

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and

this

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will lead to fewer hobbies.

For instance

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, an employee who works for more than 50 hours per week, cannot do any activities during the weekend he will try to stay at home to rest.

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this

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will make him most of the family celebrations and family gatherings,

this

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will affect his mentality in the end.

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, he will not find any

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for professional development because of the long day at work, eventually, he cannot improve his skills because of the lack of workshops that he did not attend. In conclusion,

however

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, spending most of the day working hard will improve our financial situation, but it will affect badly our health and our free

time

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task achievement

You have presented a clear response to the prompt and covered multiple aspects of the topic well. However, make sure to provide more comprehensive elaboration on each point to enhance the clarity of your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, work on improving the transitions between ideas to make the essay read more smoothly. Using linking words and phrases can help in creating more seamless transitions.

task achievement

Your essay includes relevant and specific examples, which help to illustrate your points effectively.

coherence cohesion

You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, ensuring that your essay has a clear starting and ending point.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

269 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

work-life balance
diminishing returns
personal development
hobbies
financial security
mental health
quality of life
family bonds
burnout
happiness

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Your opinion

many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. what are these problems and how can they be solved?

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.

You have recently been in a sports centre and noticed some issues in the changing rooms. Write a letter of complaint to the manager of the centre and say – What was the problem? – Explain why it is bothering you. – Suggest a possible solution.

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

With the increasing popularity of computers and calculators, student literacy is decreasing dramatically. What are the positive and negative effects the progress of science and technology has brought about?