Write an essay of 250 words on the topic below. You have 30 minutes. ( May 2023) People are working harder and longer hours in our modern society. That means they are also earning more money for themselves and their families. But does this lead to a happier society? Why, or why not? Discuss your ideas and support them with reasons and examples
It is certainly true that many people worldwide are working for a long
time
and they are working hard. Use synonyms
However
, they earn more money for themselves and their families, they are suffering from many issues like health problems, lack of leisure Linking Words
time
or less Use synonyms
time
for personal development.
Working for long hours and working hard has bad effects on our health and it may cause dangerous diseases like blood pressure diseases or heart diseases. Use synonyms
Moreover
, recent research has proved that sitting in the same place for a long Linking Words
time
is the main reason for back and neck pain. Use synonyms
Consequently
, some countries like the UAE have started laws to limit the number of working hours.
Linking Words
Secondly
, Linking Words
while
some people stay at the office for a long Linking Words
time
, they will not have any free Use synonyms
time
, so they will not have enough Use synonyms
time
to spend with their families. Use synonyms
Moreover
, they will have less leisure Linking Words
time
and Use synonyms
this
will lead to fewer hobbies. Linking Words
For instance
, an employee who works for more than 50 hours per week, cannot do any activities during the weekend he will try to stay at home to rest. Linking Words
Consequently
, Linking Words
this
will make him most of the family celebrations and family gatherings, Linking Words
this
will affect his mentality in the end. Linking Words
Also
, he will not find any Linking Words
time
for professional development because of the long day at work, eventually, he cannot improve his skills because of the lack of workshops that he did not attend.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
however
, spending most of the day working hard will improve our financial situation, but it will affect badly our health and our free Linking Words
time
.Use synonyms
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task achievement
You have presented a clear response to the prompt and covered multiple aspects of the topic well. However, make sure to provide more comprehensive elaboration on each point to enhance the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, work on improving the transitions between ideas to make the essay read more smoothly. Using linking words and phrases can help in creating more seamless transitions.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant and specific examples, which help to illustrate your points effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, ensuring that your essay has a clear starting and ending point.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?