IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the increasing and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

We all know that
culture
Use synonyms
 is really important for every nationality, in
this
Linking Words
 century most of the
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 and traditions
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a relation between them. There are beneficial sides and negative sides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 combination. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 is
adventegous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 for all of the countries. There are a lot of different traditions which came from the past and became the main
feature
Check wording
features
show examples
 of the countries.
In other
Linking Words
words
Add a comma
words,
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while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 research for travalling all of them are looking
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the national wonders, the foods that are traditional or the place which survived from the older wars.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 croissant is a speciality in France
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 when individuals are in
London
Punctuation problem
London,
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 they don'
t
Use synonyms
 look for it because they know that
this
Linking Words
 isn'
t
Use synonyms
 in their
culture
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, there are
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
 nationalities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 if we combine the cultures and the
traditions
Punctuation problem
traditions,
show examples
 there aren'
t
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 any characteristic
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
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 between the cities.
However
Linking Words
, our world is developping and all of the countries look forward to variations because
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 is improving and all of the cities must adapt to the new changes. We are living in a century which provides everything we need
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 don'
t
Use synonyms
 want to go somewhere just for eating or looking
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 some old creatures, with technologie everything is possible right now.
People
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 can
product
Replace the word
produce
 anything
in
Change preposition
apply
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anywhere
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 the government must adapt
too
Use the right word
to
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are a lot of immigrant and they mix the cultures where they came from and the new city where they live
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think it's good for
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 world. In conclusion, as has been indicated in the previous paragraphes there are both good and bad effects in
this
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 adaptation to the mixed cultures.
People
Use synonyms
 must protect the old
culture
Use synonyms
 because
culture
Use synonyms
 means nationalite meanwhile it's more beneficial for the
developpement
Correct your spelling
development
 of the cities.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. You talk about both views, but the side about loss of national identity needs more full detail.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way in the body, not only in the introduction and end.
coherence and cohesion
Use more clear main ideas in each body paragraph. One paragraph should focus on one view.
task response
Support each main point with a simple and clear example. Some examples now are not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like first, also, however, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph order and sentence connection. Some ideas jump too fast from one point to another.
task response
You answer the question and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to discuss both good and bad sides.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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