(an essay) Nowadays, many people spend their free time watching movies. Why do they do that? Is it a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the contemporary era, the majority of individuals prefer to spend their leisure
time
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watching
movies
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.
This
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essay will discuss the causative factors behind the scenario, and I believe that it is a concerning
trend
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.
To begin
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with, one of the main reasons for watching
movies
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by people in their free
time
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is engaging content. Background
musics
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music
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, suspense, and dialogues are included
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, which can influence youngsters towards them, thereby
they bring
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bringing
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happiness and
spark
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sparking
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their curiosity.
This
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tendency can
also
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reduce their stress, fatigue, and depression, which may
infeasible
Verb problem
be infeasible
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for other activities,
such
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as playing games.
For example
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, animated
movies
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allow them to relax and
fun
Verb problem
have fun
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,
whereas
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thriller
movies
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can deal with their undue stress.
Hence
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, watching
movie
Correct article usage
a movie
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in their free
time
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is conducive for them. I believe that
this
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is a negative
trend
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. Watching
movies
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in
spare
Correct determiner usage
your spare
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time
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leads to
promote
Wrong verb form
promoting
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sedentary
livestyles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
.
This
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is because they are unlikely to engage in outdoor activities,
such
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as games, exercises, and many more, which are beneficial for their well-being.
This
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trend
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can lead to a rise in some
health realted
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health-related
problems
including
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, including
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obesity
,
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apply
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and eye strain. To illustrate, numerous studies reveal that watching
movies
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can reduce the level of healthy
livestyles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
. The limited
time
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is left for other things.
Therefore
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,
this
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is a worrying
trend
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.
To conclude
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, engaging
contents
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content
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of
movies
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encourages residents to allocate their spare
time
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, which is
main
Correct article usage
the main
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cause of
this
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notion. I think that
this
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is a pervasive
trend
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since the phenomenon can deteriorate their holistic development.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Say why people watch movies, and explain more clearly why it is bad overall.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. One paragraph for reasons, one paragraph for your view, and add fuller support.
task response
Give a more specific example. Your study example is general and not very clear.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler way. Some lines are hard to follow because the meaning changes too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Check if each sentence fits the main point of the paragraph. A few ideas do not connect well.
task response
You answered the question and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
task response
You use some cause and effect ideas, which helps your argument.
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