Virtual reality should be used as a tool for therapeutic interventions and mental health treatments. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a contentious issue, whether it is necessary to use simulator computers for the medical treatment of human beings. I concur with

this

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usage of technology because it results in fast recoveries and can internally heal the patients.

This

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essay will elucidate these points in the impeding paragraphs.

To begin

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with, virtual reality machines are the best source that can directly interact with the cognitive environment of the patient which can analyze the mental health condition more accurately.

Due to

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this

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doctors will get a precise idea about the current situation of the individuals and

further

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they can suggest the best treatment for their better cure.

For Instance

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, an article on VR published in "The Tribune" written by Director-In-Chief Mrs. Rajni Shah in 2019, stated that the installation of Virtual reality systems in hospitals helps medical experts in problem identification with 89% improved accuracy.

Therefore

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this

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technology should be implemented to figure out and cure the problem efficiently.

Further

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, connecting with the outer world by sitting in a hospital will boost the inner confidence of patients.

Additionally

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, when a sufferer who has been admitted to a medical

center

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for 2 months is going to connect with a mountainous view in the hospital ward

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he will feel like a fresh person

as well as

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rejuvenated. To cite an example, a medical survey has been taken by BBC in 7 Asian countries which

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revealed that changing environment boosts the self-confidence of patients and they recover faster.

As a result

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, the computer-generated virtual ecosystems can bring

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significant positive change in the medical field.

To conclude

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, the usage of computerized tools for multifarious health diseases has myriads of pros. These are proven phenomenal types of equipment that decrease the error rate of identification of the problem and boost the inner power of individuals.

knavdeep3011

Sep 25, 2024

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Task Achievement

Your essay covers the topic adequately and provides a clear position on the use of virtual reality for therapeutic interventions. However, try to avoid minor inaccuracies, such as 'simulator computers' instead of 'virtual reality.'

Task Achievement

Ensure your conclusion directly reflects the arguments you have made and avoids introducing new information.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs and logical flow. However, transitions between ideas can be made smoother to enhance readability.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to improve fluency and reduce repetition.

Task Achievement

Your introduction effectively sets up your argument by clearly stating your position and what you will discuss.

Task Achievement

Your main points are well-supported with relevant examples from external sources, which strengthens your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Each paragraph centers around a main idea, making your essay easy to follow.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.

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12
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

7.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

7.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

7.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

7.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

303 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

immersive environments
anxiety
PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)
phobia
exposure therapy
controlled setting
desensitization
social anxiety
stress reduction
real-time monitoring
therapeutic interventions
mental health treatments
digital divide
accessibility
cost-effectiveness
innovative solutions
face-to-face interactions
traditional therapeutic settings
gradual confrontation
calming environments

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Virtual reality should be used as a tool for therapeutic interventions and mental health treatments. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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