Virtual reality should be used as a tool for therapeutic interventions and mental health treatments. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a contentious issue, whether it is necessary to use simulator computers for the medical treatment of human beings. I concur with
this
usage of technology because it results in fast recoveries and can internally heal the patients.
This
essay will elucidate these points in the impeding paragraphs.
To begin
with, virtual reality machines are the best source that can directly interact with the cognitive environment of the patient which can analyze the mental health condition more accurately.
Due to
this
doctors will get a precise idea about the current situation of the individuals and
further
they can suggest the best treatment for their better cure.
For Instance
, an article on VR published in "The Tribune" written by Director-In-Chief Mrs. Rajni Shah in 2019, stated that the installation of Virtual reality systems in hospitals helps medical experts in problem identification with 89% improved accuracy.
Therefore
,
this
technology should be implemented to figure out and cure the problem efficiently.
Further
, connecting with the outer world by sitting in a hospital will boost the inner confidence of patients.
Additionally
, when a sufferer who has been admitted to a medical
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
for 2 months is going to connect with a mountainous view in the hospital ward
then
he will feel like a fresh person
as well as
rejuvenated. To cite an example, a medical survey has been taken by BBC in 7 Asian countries which
further
revealed that changing environment boosts the self-confidence of patients and they recover faster.
As a result
, the computer-generated virtual ecosystems can bring
such
significant positive change in the medical field.
To conclude
, the usage of computerized tools for multifarious health diseases has myriads of pros. These are proven phenomenal types of equipment that decrease the error rate of identification of the problem and boost the inner power of individuals.
Submitted by knavdeep3011 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay covers the topic adequately and provides a clear position on the use of virtual reality for therapeutic interventions. However, try to avoid minor inaccuracies, such as 'simulator computers' instead of 'virtual reality.'
Task Achievement
Ensure your conclusion directly reflects the arguments you have made and avoids introducing new information.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs and logical flow. However, transitions between ideas can be made smoother to enhance readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to improve fluency and reduce repetition.
Task Achievement
Your introduction effectively sets up your argument by clearly stating your position and what you will discuss.
Task Achievement
Your main points are well-supported with relevant examples from external sources, which strengthens your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Each paragraph centers around a main idea, making your essay easy to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive environments
  • anxiety
  • PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)
  • phobia
  • exposure therapy
  • controlled setting
  • desensitization
  • social anxiety
  • stress reduction
  • real-time monitoring
  • therapeutic interventions
  • mental health treatments
  • digital divide
  • accessibility
  • cost-effectiveness
  • innovative solutions
  • face-to-face interactions
  • traditional therapeutic settings
  • gradual confrontation
  • calming environments
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