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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that in the digital age, theatres and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch all the entertainment they want online. Others argue that theatres and cinemas are still important both economically and culturally. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
theatres
Use synonyms
 and
cinemas
Use synonyms
 are no longer necessary because
people
Use synonyms
 can watch movies and shows online.
However
Linking Words
, others think that these places are still important for the economy and culture.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views, and I will give my own opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, many
people
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 prefer online entertainment because it is more convenient and cheaper. Nowadays, streaming platforms offer a huge variety of movies, TV series and documentaries that
people
Use synonyms
 can watch at any time. They do not need to leave their homes or spend money on cinema tickets.
In addition
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, many families already have smart TVs and fast internet, so they can enjoy a good viewing experience at home.
As a result
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, fewer
people
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 visit
theatres
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 and
cinemas
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 than before.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I believe that
theatres
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 and
cinemas
Use synonyms
 still play an important role in society. Economically, they create many job opportunities for actors, ticket sellers, cleaners and security workers. They
also
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 help nearby restaurants and cafés because many
people
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 go out to eat before or after watching a film. Culturally,
theatres
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 help keep traditional plays and live performances alive. Watching a movie or a play in a theatre is
also
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 a special experience because of the large screen, powerful sound and the exciting atmosphere with other
people
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. These things cannot be fully replaced by watching
entertainments
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entertainment
show examples
 at home.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 online entertainment is becoming more popular because it is convenient and affordable, I believe that
theatres
Use synonyms
 and
cinemas
Use synonyms
 are still important. They support the economy, protect culture and provide a unique experience that
people
Use synonyms
 cannot enjoy through a screen at home.

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task response
Score: 7. To reach 8, give one clear real-life example in each main part. For example, say how a small local theatre brings people to nearby shops, or how a family can watch a film at home for less money.
task response
Explain one point a little more. For example, say why live plays help keep culture alive: young people can see old stories, music, and ways of life.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. Your links are clear, but some ideas could join more smoothly. In the first body part, link home viewing to the fall in visits more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use the same word too often. You use “important” many times. You can use “needed”, “useful”, or “of great value” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Use “entertainment” here, not “entertainments”: “These things cannot be fully replaced by watching entertainment at home.”
task response
You discuss both sides and clearly give your own view. Your main points stay on the question.
task response
You give good reasons for online viewing, such as low cost and ease at home. You also explain jobs, local food places, culture, and the shared feel of live shows.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and a clear end. The order is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “In addition”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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