IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The Internet has brought many changes into our day to day life. Nowadays we can do things such as mailing, contacting, banking and communication much faster. Is this a positive or negative development?

With the
development
Use synonyms
 of the internet,
people
Use synonyms
 can now save
time
Use synonyms
 on
tasks
Use synonyms
 which previously involved a certain level of
time
Use synonyms
 investment.
Although
Linking Words
 some may see the rise of the internet era as advantageous to their
time
Use synonyms
 management, in my
opinion
Punctuation problem
opinion,
show examples
 there are enough drawbacks that make
this
Linking Words
 a negative
development
Use synonyms
.
Admittingly
Correct your spelling
Admittedly
, it feels like a luxury to be able to speed up the process of certain
tasks
Use synonyms
. Previously, if one needed to speak to someone, they would have to invest a fair amount of
time
Use synonyms
 to travel to
this
Linking Words
 person, perhaps even risk the chance of not finding them where they were expected to be and
then
Linking Words
 travel back. With the
development
Use synonyms
 of
messanging
Correct your spelling
messaging
 services,
people
Use synonyms
 can now simply drop a text message to the other person, which can even take mere seconds, speeding up the communication.
This
Linking Words
 results in
people
Use synonyms
 saving
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lot of their
time
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, as with the
development
Use synonyms
 of any new commodity, the rise of the internet era comes with
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 own limitations. By deciding to engage with humans
online
Punctuation problem
online,
show examples
 we lose the very essence of personal human interactions.
Similarly
Linking Words
, by opting to complete our
so called
Correct your spelling
so-called
 'mundane'
tasks
Use synonyms
 on our
screens
Punctuation problem
screens,
show examples
 we become more
sedimentary
Correct word choice
sedentary
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, if someone decides to call their friends from their couch at home, they don't gain from the additional movement they would have had if
by
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 had met them in person. Both these scenarios take a toll on our health, either physically or mentally, increasing the chances of developing diseases
such
Linking Words
 as
obseity
Correct your spelling
obesity
 or depression. In my opinion, despite the comfort of saved
time
Use synonyms
 that phones can provide us,
this
Linking Words
 does not outweigh the benefits of 'real' experiences. Perhaps if someone were to use their
time
Use synonyms
 saved on mundane
tasks
Use synonyms
 by meeting with friends/
family
Punctuation problem
family,
show examples
 they would benefit from
this
Linking Words
 technology edge.
However
Linking Words
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do not realise the
larger scale
Correct your spelling
larger-scale
 consequences of their actions
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 I strongly believe
this
Linking Words
 commodity is not that advantageous. In conclusion, there is a saying that goes '
time
Use synonyms
 is precious', and there is a lot of truth to
this
Linking Words
. But unless
people
Use synonyms
 appreciate what they are losing in
this
Linking Words
 haven that technology offers,
this
Linking Words
 can be a dangerous slope for the
development
Use synonyms
 of serious physical and mental health issues.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task response: You answer both sides and give your opinion, but your main idea is not always fully clear. Make your position very direct in each body paragraph.
task response
Task response: Your ideas are good, but some points are too general. Explain more clearly how internet use leads to less movement and less real contact.
task response
Task response: Use one more clear and real example for banking, shopping, or work to make your answer stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. This is good. But some links between ideas are not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are long and hard to follow. Split long sentences into two shorter ones.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use linking words with care. A few parts feel repeated or not fully connected, such as the last body paragraph.
task response
Task response: You answer the question and clearly say that you think it is a negative development.
task response
Task response: You include one clear example about sending messages, which helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Each paragraph has one main focus, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: