IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

some people believe that engaging in an active pastime does more to develop childrens' life skills than spent reading.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Most people think that kids should engage in different
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 to gain more skills rather than just sit and read all day, which
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think is good
genrally
Correct your spelling
generally
 for kids to go outside and learn various
hobbies
Use synonyms
 and mix with people from different cultures. I personally agree with the statment i think that
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 should learn different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of sports
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as tennis and football
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
 even dance
, it
Punctuation problem
. It
show examples
 would make them engage with other children
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 could enhance their communication and
also
Linking Words
 teach them how to solve their problems. And it
also
Linking Words
 has so many advantages
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 teaching them the importance of managing their time and
self control
Correct your spelling
self-control
. Even though
hobbies
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 important i believe that reading is
also
Linking Words
signifcant
Correct your spelling
significant
 in a child's life
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 could open their minds to worlds they never saw and boost their imagination. So
hobbies
Use synonyms
 like sports can help them in practical ways
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 reading books can help them develop their brains emotionally and mentally
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 can introduce them to different situations
the
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 may face in the future and how to deal with them.
To sum
Linking Words
up
Add a comma
up,
show examples
 many people argue that children should have
hobbies
Use synonyms
 other than reading
i
Punctuation problem
. I
show examples
 do agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement to an
extent
Punctuation problem
extent,
show examples
 in which
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports could help children with many aspects
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as time
managment
Correct your spelling
management
 and
contorling
Correct your spelling
controlling
 themselves
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 being competitive.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 reading is just as important and beneficial
it
Correct word choice
, as it
show examples
 could teach them how to deal with problems and boost their
intellegence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 through different stories.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You agree, but only to some extent. Say this in a simple direct way in the first paragraph.
task response
Add one or two clear examples. For example, say how team sports teach kids to work with others, or how reading helps with school work.
task response
Explain each main point more. Some ideas are good, but they need more support to feel full and strong.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph. This helps the reader follow your plan.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and as a result. Some links are there, but they can be used better.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with long sentences. Shorter sentences can make your meaning much clearer.
task response
You answer the main question and give your opinion.
task response
You include both sides of the topic, which shows balance.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph gives a clear ending to your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • active pastime = an activity done for fun that involves movement
  • life skills = useful skills for daily life
  • teamwork = working well with others
  • communication = sharing ideas and feelings
  • problem-solving = finding answers to problems
  • self-control = the ability to stay calm and manage behavior
  • time management = using time well
  • confidence = belief in yourself
  • independence = ability to do things by yourself
  • empathy = understanding other people’s feelings
  • imagination = ability to form new ideas or pictures in the mind
  • focus = giving full attention
  • follow rules = do what rules say
  • deal with pressure = stay calm in hard situations
  • a balanced view = an opinion that considers both sides
  • practical skills = skills for real situations
  • mental growth = development of the mind
  • social development = improvement in dealing with people
  • build character = develop strong personal qualities
  • to a great extent = strongly / mostly
  • I partly agree = agree with some parts, not all
  • play a key role = be very important
  • complement each other = work well together
  • well-rounded child = a child with many good skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: