IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think celebrities should only be allowed to advertise healthy food or drink, and not encourage unhealthy habits. Do you agree or disagree?

It is true that, nowadays, the behaviour of well-known
people
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 like
celebrities
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 is followed by young
people
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 very much.
So
Punctuation problem
So,
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celebrities
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 should only be allowed to advertise healthy foods and drinks only
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 should encourage promoting healthy habits only. The income earned from their profession is not always sufficient.
Consequently
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,
celebrities
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 have to contract or sign with several agreements offered by different companies. In doing so, they have to ensure that these advertising agreements are beneficial to the public, as not all advertisements endorsed by them are good. To be more exact, all
celebrities
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 are not equal in their manner. Sometimes, these
celebrities
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 are biased in exchange for money. In that case,
celebrities
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 should be careful, given their influence on young
people
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.
On the other hand
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, young
people
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 should be more careful about what they are interested in. They should not blindly copy what
celebrities
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 do. It would be acceptable if young
people
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 follow and adopt positive aspects from their
favorite
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favourite
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celebrities
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. After all, the young generation should have
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 own lifestyle.
To sum up
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, I agree with
this
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 statement that
celebrities
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 should not be allowed to advertise unhealthy foods and drinks.
Instead
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, they should encourage healthy habits, leaving harmful ones
such
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 as smoking, wasting money, and indulging in illegal affairs.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
celebrities
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 are followed by young
people
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, which has a great impact on the young generation in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
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 days. At the same time, we should keep in mind that
celebrities
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 have the right or freedom to choose for themselves how they will earn money and how they spend their free time.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Say clearly why you agree.
task response
Add one or two clear examples, like ads for fast food or sweet drinks, to support your ideas.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some points are too general and need more detail.
coherence cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way, like 'because', 'for example', and 'however'.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each sentence connects clearly to the one before it.
task response
You give a clear opinion and keep it to the end.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are mostly easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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