IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

For a
parcel
Use the right word
portion
show examples
 of the population, life in big
cities
Use synonyms
 is considered to be bad for
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
. I agree partially with that idea.
While
Linking Words
 living in big
centers
Check wording
cities
show examples
 can bring daily challenges to life, some benefits are
also
Linking Words
 observed by many residents. The development of big
cities
Use synonyms
,
since
Change preposition
over the
show examples
 past centuries, is known for
non planned
Correct your spelling
non-planned
 population booms. Without planning, most of
big
Correct article usage
the big
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
faced
Correct word order
also faced
show examples
also
Linking Words
 a significant
raise
Check wording
rise
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 in poverty, violence, social inequality, polution and crimes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the lack of equal
oportunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 and safety is still
nowadays
Rephrase
apply
show examples
a reality in most of the
megalopolis
Fix the agreement mistake
megalopolises
show examples
 around the world. And that has a real impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the quality of
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
, especially mental
health
Use synonyms
. Added to that are
others
Correct determiner usage
other
show examples
 factors
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
for example
Linking Words
,
time
Change preposition
such as time
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consuming
Verb problem
apply
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spent commuting from one place to another, and the stress that comes with life in a
fast paced
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
 place. The cherry on top is,
according to
Linking Words
 an
american
Fix capitalization
American
show examples
 survey, the difficulty in making new friends and the trend of isolation and depression.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 believe that in big
cities
Use synonyms
the
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 multiculturalism and more
options of leisures
Correct word order
leisure options
show examples
 can facilitate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
engagement in different clubs and communities. One thing that was agreed by most of the interviewers is that
it its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 easier or more possible to feel satisfied professionally in a big city than in a small one.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the higher number of options and job opportunities. It is
also
Linking Words
 important to highlight the easy access to
health
Use synonyms
 clinics and professionals that are usually limited in most of the
smallers
Replace the word
smaller
cities
Use synonyms
. The interviewers
also
Linking Words
 agreed
that
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 not only the size of the city or the number in population that makes an impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
health
Use synonyms
, but what it offers for them in terms of infrastructure, public transport, good
health
Use synonyms
 and security system. In conclusion, living in big
cities
Use synonyms
 can bring advantages and disadvantages
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 many factors have to be
analyzed
Change the spelling
analysed
show examples
 in order to understand what works better for each
individual
Check wording
individual's
show examples
 lifestyle.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. Say if you mostly agree, mostly disagree, or partly agree, and keep that same line all through the essay.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your points. The survey point is not clear because it has no source or full detail.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For example, explain how long travel time or stress can hurt health in daily life.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas in a more even way. One body part should focus on why city life is bad for health, and one body part should focus on why it can be good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some links are good, but a few parts feel sudden, like 'The cherry on top'. Use more formal links such as 'Moreover' or 'In addition'.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main point and clear support. Some points are listed, but not fully tied back to the main question.
task response
You answer the question and give your view in the introduction.
task response
You include both sides of the topic, which helps show a balanced response.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs well, and most ideas follow in a clear order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory problems
  • population density
  • stress levels
  • mental health issues
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • healthcare facilities
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • psychological well-being
  • recreational areas
  • social networks
What to do next:
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