IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People living in the twenty-first century are happier than people of previous times. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that
people
Use synonyms
 in the
twenty first
Correct your spelling
twenty-first
 century are
elated
Rephrase
more elated
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 than
previous
Change preposition
in previous
show examples
centuries
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 in modern times have better health care and
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 to do daily
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can improve the quality of life.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 technology increases the
easiness
Replace the word
ease
 of
Use synonyms
lives
Check wording
life
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 century
People
Use synonyms
 have more freedom to choose how to live their
lives
Use synonyms
, and have the ability to choose their jobs. Rather than
people
Use synonyms
 in other
centuries
Use synonyms
where they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 were forced to work any job because of poverty, or unavalibility of schools and colleges for them to get the degrees required to work in jobs they want.
According to
Linking Words
 a study done by the
university
Fix capitalization
University
show examples
 of dublin it states that
people
Use synonyms
now are
Correct word order
are now
show examples
 happier because they have
higer
Correct your spelling
higher
chances
Use synonyms
 in
pusuing
Correct your spelling
pursuing
 the job
the
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 desire.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the quality of
people
Use synonyms
's
lives
Use synonyms
 changed in general
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
from
Change preposition
over the
show examples
 past
centuries
Use synonyms
. At the present
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 we have clean water, and homes are safer
too
Use the right word
to
show examples
 live
in
Punctuation problem
in,
show examples
 so our daily
lives
Use synonyms
havee
Correct your spelling
have
 improved. Morover the majority of
people
Use synonyms
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
show examples
 care of their physical and mental health, which increases the odds of them living longer. A study done by Dr. hope adresses that
due to
Linking Words
 the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 awareness of the importance of
health
Add a comma
health,
show examples
 it increased the
chances
Use synonyms
 of the longevity of their
lives
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Lastly
Add a comma
Lastly,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 study argued that individuals as of
this
Linking Words
 time are
more happy
Replace the word
happier
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 than individuals of past
centuries
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
due to
Linking Words
 various reasons. First humans
now are
Correct word order
are now
show examples
 living freely
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 which they can pursue the jobs they want, unlike
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
centuries
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 makes them happier. Second
Use synonyms
people's
Punctuation problem
, people's
show examples
qaulity
Correct your spelling
quality
 of life has changed a lot compared to past
centuries
Use synonyms
. Which have increased the
chances
Use synonyms
 of humans living longer than before.
Such
Linking Words
 as clean water
safe
Punctuation problem
, safe
show examples
 homes, and their focus on being healthy in general has increased those
chances
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Task response: Your main answer is clear because you agree. But you need to explain more fully why people are happier now and also show that this is not true for all people.
task response
Task response: Use more direct ideas about happiness. Some parts talk about longer life and health, but you need to link these points more clearly to happiness.
task response
Task response: Your examples are too general. The studies are not well explained, so they do not strongly support your ideas. Add one clear and real example in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear basic shape with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word form problems. Use shorter sentences and make one main idea in each sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Linking words are used, but sometimes not well. Use simple links like First, Second, Also, For example, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The last paragraph repeats earlier ideas. Try to add a short summary only, not the same points again.
task response
Task response: You answer the question and clearly show your opinion from the start.
task response
Task response: You give two main reasons: more choice in work and better life conditions.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your ideas are grouped into paragraphs in a logical order.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use some linking words like Firstly, Secondly, and Lastly to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • quality of life
  • daily life
  • health care
  • clean water
  • safe housing
  • live longer
  • modern technology
  • stay in touch
  • access information
  • personal freedom
  • job choice
  • way of life
  • work pressure
  • cost of living
  • mental health
  • social media
  • screen time
  • sense of community
  • close relationships
  • peace of mind
  • overall
  • to a large extent
  • however
  • in the past
  • nowadays
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