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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period.

The first table illustrates how
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 has changed in New
York
Use synonyms
City
Use synonyms
 from 1800 to 2000.
While
Linking Words
 the second and the third tables
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 information on
population
Use synonyms
 changes in five
districts
Use synonyms
(Manhattan,Brooklyn,Bronx,Queens and Staten Island) over the same period.
Overall
Linking Words
,the
population
Use synonyms
 in New
York
Use synonyms
City
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a rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 substantially during the given period.All
districts
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 of the
city
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 had shown
rose
Replace the word
a rise
 in
population
Use synonyms
. Focusing on New
York
Use synonyms
City
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, in 1800,the
population
Use synonyms
 of New
York
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City
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 was approximately 79,000,but
then
Linking Words
 a century later,
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 increased considerably to 3.450
million
Use synonyms
 in 1900.After that
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 2000,
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 doubled and reached 8
million
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 . As for Manhattan,
this
Linking Words
 district was the
densely
Rephrase
most densely
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 populated in New
York
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City
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
population
Use synonyms
around
Change preposition
of around
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 60,000 in 1800 and 76% of the total
population
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.By
1900
Punctuation problem
1900,
show examples
 the
population
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size
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 increased dramatically to 1.850
million
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,but
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of the total
population
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 decreased to 54 %.In the next century, the
population
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size
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 was around 1
million
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 and 500 thousand and 19% of the total
population
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. Now looking at other
districts
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,the
population
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size
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 in
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 four
districts
Use synonyms
 (Brooklyn,Bronx,Queens, and Staten Island) was around 19,000 in 1800,accounting for 24% of the total
population
Use synonyms
.In 1900
population
Use synonyms
 increased to 1
million
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 and 580 thousand,as being 46% of the total
population
Use synonyms
.By
1900
Punctuation problem
1900,
show examples
 the
population
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size
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quadrupled
Verb problem
had quadrupled
show examples
 and reached almost 6.5
million
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,accounting for 81% of the total
population
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 of New
York
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City
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, york, city, districts, million, size with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • city
  • people
  • rise
  • grow
  • increase
  • fall
  • decrease
  • overall
  • pattern
  • trend
  • period
  • early
  • late
  • year
  • district
  • Manhattan
  • Brooklyn
  • Bronx
  • Queens
  • Staten Island
  • move
  • move to
  • housing
  • jobs
  • transport
  • subway
  • home
  • area
  • change
  • more
  • less
  • two
  • three
  • now
  • then
  • different
  • similar
  • note
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