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Writing Samples /
Band 8

•Task 2: In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their families and friends. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#•task #countries #people #work #move #families #friends #development
In modern society, it is quite common for a person to part with his or her family and friends in search of employment. Despite contrary ideas, it is my belief that the benefits
such
 departures bring about are more noticeable.
To begin
 with, it cannot be denied that there are certain drawbacks that leaving families and friends behind may present.
Firstly
,
this
 can be detrimental to the relationships between family members, which is especially true in the case of
parents
 forced to leave their children behind to find work
elsewhere
. These children will grow up without the loving hands of their
parents
, so it is easy to see that they may see their
parents
 as nothing more than strangers.
Moreover
, as to the leavers, they may suffer emotionally.
That is
, they may experience a period of loneliness and homesickness when first having to part ways with almost everything they know and start a new life.
However
, these consequences may not be as serious as they sound. As communication technology develops, it is now easy for people between great distances to see each other’s faces, and hear each other’s loving words by means of social networking or video calling. Though they may not completely replace actual face-to-face interaction, they may do wonders for connecting
parents
 and children
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 or alleviating one’s solitude.
Furthermore
, upon leaving home, apart from the possibility of a well-paid job, one, especially young people, may achieve a sense of independence.
This
 is because they will have first-hand experience in dealing with all sorts of problems, from work to everyday life, without guidance and protection from their loved ones. In conclusion, it can be seen that
although
 moving away from family to seek employment may present certain difficulties, I hold my belief that these can easily be eclipsed by the advantages.
Submitted by lutranthevinh0610 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main idea coherently. This will enhance the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
For an even more compelling task response, consider providing some concrete examples or statistics to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your introductory and concluding paragraphs are strong and clearly state and restate your main argument, which creates a strong overall structure.
task achievement
You have a well-rounded argument with both advantages and disadvantages discussed, which demonstrates a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, making it easy for the reader to understand your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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