People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
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There is no doubt that these days most of the people are looking for the perfect
life
, especially the famous families. The question is , do they care about what society Use synonyms
want
more than Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
whats
they want ? In Correct your spelling
what
this
article i will discuss some of the positive and negative Linking Words
aspect
, Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
in addition
to my personal opinion.
In terms of the positive side, it is great if you think about how to make your Linking Words
life
better. The main reason going to support Use synonyms
this
claim is that , in general, most of the families want the best education and career for their kids with Linking Words
great
good looks and jobs , and Correct word choice
apply
also
have nice personalities.On the otherhand that could be a nightmare for some teenagers to illustrate , there is a type of parent how bring stress and pressure for their child by choosing their future Linking Words
life
. Use synonyms
In addition
, they select Linking Words
the
major in the university , Correct article usage
their
the
hobbies , Correct article usage
their
the
jobs , and even their friends.
Correct article usage
their
On the contrary
, Linking Words
the
too much stress couldCorrect article usage
apply
effect
them badly Use the right word
affect
Linking Words
for
example, their grades at school and friendships , their sleep , their personalities , their communication with the people, but why ? Because they don't want to disappoint their families. In facts in South Korea and Japan, there is a high percentage of suicide because of Punctuation problem
, for
the
too much of Correct article usage
apply
pruture
thinking Correct your spelling
puritanical
of the
society,more than what they want and their dreams.
In conclusion , it is evident that there is no perfect Change preposition
in
life
or person . From my Use synonyms
viewpoint
your Add a comma
viewpoint,
life
could take you high one day and droped the next day. The point is ,we have to learn how to stand up again and choose what we want, love and make our parents proud of us for who we are. Education the parent from a young age could have a positive effect in the future.It is Use synonyms
a
great if the teachers work with Correct article usage
apply
parent
for the students.Check wording
parents
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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say what an ideal society is, and then say how we can build it.
task response
Your main idea changes from society to family pressure. Keep your ideas closer to the topic all the way.
task response
Add one or two clear examples about society, not only about parents and children.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each paragraph, then explain it with a short reason and example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Use words like First, Also, However, For example, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Make shorter sentences and check word order.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You give a real-world example about South Korea and Japan.
task response
Your opinion is clear in the conclusion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite