IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is no doubt that these days most
of the
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
people
looking
Verb problem
are looking
show examples
 for the perfect
life
Use synonyms
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 the famous families. The question is , do they care about
the
Correct article usage
what
show examples
 society
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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 more than what they want ? In
this
Linking Words
 article i will discuss some of the positive and negative
espect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
,
in addition
Linking Words
my
Change preposition
to my
show examples
 personal opinion. In
term
Check wording
terms
show examples
 of the positive
side
Add a comma
side,
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 it is great if you think
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
 to make your
life
Use synonyms
 better. The main reason
going
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to support
this
Linking Words
 claim is that , in
general
Punctuation problem
general,
show examples
 most of the families want the best education and career for
ther
Correct your spelling
their
 kids with
great looking
Replace the word
good looks
 and jobs ,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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nice personalities. On the otherhand that
cloud
Use the right word
could
show examples
 be
nightmare
Correct article usage
a nightmare
show examples
 for some teenagers to illustrate , there is
type
Correct article usage
a type
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 of
parent
Use synonyms
 how bring stress and
pruture
Correct your spelling
pressure
 for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 child by choosing
ther
Correct your spelling
their
 future
life
Use synonyms
.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 they select the major in the university , the hobbies , the jobs , and even
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 friends.
On the
Linking Words
contrary
Add a comma
contrary,
show examples
the to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 much stress could
effect badly on them
Correct word order
affect them badly,
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for example
Linking Words
,
there degrees
Check wording
their grades
show examples
 at school and friendships , their sleep , their personalities , their communication with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 why ? Because they don't want to disappoint
ther
Correct your spelling
their
 families. In facts in South Korea and
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
show examples
 there is a high
percent
Replace the word
percentage
 of
the suicide
Check wording
suicides
show examples
 because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
too much of pruture thinking of the society
more
Punctuation problem
, more
show examples
 than what they want and
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 dreams. In conclusion , it is evident that there is no perfect
life
Use synonyms
 or
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
. From my
view
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
point
Add a comma
point,
show examples
 your
life
Use synonyms
 could take you
haigh
Correct your spelling
high
 one day and droped the next day
, the
Punctuation problem
. The
show examples
 point is
we
Punctuation problem
, we
show examples
 have to learn how to stand up again and choose what we want
love
Punctuation problem
, love
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 and make our
Use synonyms
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 proud of us for
how
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 we are. Education the
parent
Use synonyms
 from
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age could
effect positively
Correct word order
have a positive effect
show examples
 in the future
, it
Punctuation problem
. It
show examples
 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teachers
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 with
the
Check wording
parents
show examples
parent
Use synonyms
 for the students.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly: say what an ideal society is, and say how we can build it.
task response
Stay on the main topic. Some parts talk more about family pressure than about society.
task response
Give one or two clear ideas in each body part, then explain them with simple examples.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear plan: introduction, body 1, body 2, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way with words like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence connects to the one before it. Some ideas now jump too fast.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You try to give an example about South Korea and Japan.
task response
You show your opinion at the end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ideal society
  • equality
  • social justice
  • sustainable practices
  • community engagement
  • economic stability
  • cultural diversity
  • accessible healthcare
  • fair justice system
  • educational opportunities
  • environmental sustainability
  • active participation
  • inclusive society
What to do next:
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