IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, people are choosing to have fewer children than in the past. What are the reasons for this trend, and what effects does it have on society?

In many nations, there has been a noticeable
decline
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 in
birth
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rates
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 compared to the past.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons for
this
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 trend and
analyze
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analyse
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 the impact on society. Nowadays, significant changes have taken place compared to the past. A range of factors has contributed to the
decline
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 in
birth
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rates
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, including financial pressures, unsuitable living conditions, and ongoing responsibilities that individuals must manage.
In addition
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, rising living costs
do
Verb problem
apply
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not only make raising
children
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 more expensive
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 create long-term financial uncertainty, discouraging
people
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 from committing to parenthood.
As a result
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, many
people
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 tend to delay starting a family or choose to have fewer
children
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 than in previous generations.
For example
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, Japan has experienced a significant
decline
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 in
birth
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rates
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 in recent years, as many
people
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 choose to delay marriage and focus on their careers, as securing stable employment often requires long working hours, leaving individuals with limited time and energy to raise
children
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.
Subsequently
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,
this
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 trend can lead to an ageing
population
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, and the burden on the younger generation becomes heavier as they support the elderly.
This
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 is because a smaller working-age
population
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 must contribute more taxes to sustain pensions and healthcare systems, increasing financial pressure on each individual.
As a result
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, Japan is now facing an
aging
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ageing
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 society, where the proportion of elderly
people
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 is increasing, leading to a shrinking workforce and placing greater pressure on the economy and social welfare systems.
This
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 issue is
also
Linking Words
 prevalent in many countries worldwide, leading to similar consequences across nations.
Overall
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, the
decline
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 in
birth
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rates
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 is mainly driven by financial uncertainty and demanding work conditions, which discourage
people
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 from having
children
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.
Consequently
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,
this
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 leads to an ageing
population
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, placing greater economic pressure on the working
population
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 and slowing long-term growth. The table below presents the food consumption per person weekly in European countries in 1992, 2002, and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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task response
For task response, you answer both parts of the question well, but some ideas could be more fully explained.
task response
For task response, your example about Japan is useful, but one more clear example or result would make the essay stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow and has clear paragraphs, but some linking words feel a little forced, like 'Subsequently'.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to avoid repeating the same idea about Japan in both body paragraphs in a very similar way.
task response
For task response, you clearly discuss both the reasons for lower birth rates and the effects on society.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph stays mostly on one main idea, which helps the reader follow your point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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