IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is often argued whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governments
Use synonyms
 should spend money on
railways
Use synonyms
 or
building a
Wrong verb form
build
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roads
Use synonyms
.
While
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 some people believe that the
governments
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 should focus on constructing
railways
Use synonyms
 , I personally believe that they should concentrate their effort on building
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
roads
Use synonyms
 .
This
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 essay will mention two main reasons supporting my opinion.
Firstly
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, one of the main reasons is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the high cost of creating the suitable infrastructure for
railways
Use synonyms
 and investment .
For example
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, creating
railways
Use synonyms
 in all parts of the country will make the
governments
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 increase spending money on
railways
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 ,
also
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 some countries lack
for
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apply
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local investors.
As a result
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, the government will face
big
Correct article usage
a big
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 challenge in order to overcome the limitation of financial capability.
Moreover
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, a study published in 2020 has proven that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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the majority of all countries in the world prefer building
roads
Use synonyms
 rather than
railways
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due to
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 the weakness in their economy.
Secondly
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, another important reason is that the
highly
Correct word choice
high
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 demand
of
Change preposition
for
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 manpower to maintain
railways
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 safe for use .
For instance
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 , performing all
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of maintenance will require a large number of workers
such
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 as engineers and technicians.
In addition
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, some
governments
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 can not provide the basic requirements to run
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railways
Check wording
railway
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 stations because of
immigration
Correct article usage
the immigration
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 of local people to
others
Correct word choice
other
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 countries .
Therefore
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, operating
railways
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 station with
less number of
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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 people
which
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apply
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will cause
delay
Check wording
delays
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 in
project
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the project
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 and some times leads to
stop
Wrong verb form
stopping
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 the project completely. In conclusion, I believe that the government should focus on building
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
roads
Use synonyms
 rather than
railways
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 because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 difficulty
to offer
Change preposition
in offering
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 appropriate
funds
Replace the word
funding
 support in order to build
railways
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it requires
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 number of
labors
Check wording
labourers
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 to accomplish
this
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 project.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how much you agree or disagree, and keep this same view in all parts.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain why roads are better with one clear reason and one short result.
task response
Use examples that feel real and clear. Your study example is too general and not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences simpler and clearer. Each body paragraph should have one main point only.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, because, so, and finally. Do not overuse long phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some parts are hard to follow because the grammar breaks the flow of ideas.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a full structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a main reason that supports your view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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