Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some
people
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believe that
competition
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in
work
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, education, and daily life is beneficial,
while
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others argue that
cooperation
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is more important.
Although
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competition
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can help individuals improve their performance and achieve their targets quickly, I believe that
cooperation
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is more effective because it reduces stress and promotes teamwork. On the one hand,
competition
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is considered important because it encourages
people
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to
work
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harder and achieve their goals before deadlines. When individuals
work
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in a competitive environment, they are more motivated to improve their performance.
For example
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, when I was at university, I had a friend named Kamal, and we worked competitively.
As a result
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, we achieved higher grades in our final exams, which allowed me to apply for a master’s degree in Australia, which was one of the greatest achievements in my life.
On the other hand
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,
cooperation
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is more beneficial for reducing stress and pressure. When
people
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work
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together, they can share responsibilities, so that the workload becomes easier to manage.
This
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helps to improve teamwork
while
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employees are working in the workplace.
For instance
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, when I met a university friend on the train, we discussed his
work
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experience, and I
realized
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realised
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that teamwork is crucial for building a friendly environment.
Moreover
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, the workplace can become a more enjoyable place when
people
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cooperate with each other. In conclusion,
although
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competition
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is a natural part of human life and can help
people
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achieve success, I believe that
cooperation
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is more important because it reduces stress and creates a positive working environment.
Therefore
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,
people
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should focus more on developing their
cooperation
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skills.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You did this, but the side about working together needs one more clear idea.
task response
Give stronger examples. The story about your friend is real, but it feels a bit personal and not fully linked to the main point.
task response
Explain your opinion more. You say working together is better, but you can add why it is better in school, work, and daily life.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence cohesion
Some links are used well, like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand', but do not use too many long sentences with 'which'.
coherence cohesion
Make each main point more direct. A few ideas, like the train meeting, are not very clear for the topic.
task response
You answered the full question and gave your own view clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well ordered, with one paragraph for each side.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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