Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.

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Introduction
Some
people
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believe
competition
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is important in their daily lives,
while
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others think collaboration is more powerful.Is
competition
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essential for
humans
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?.
Humans
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can improve performances and can reach their targets quickly by working with
competition
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.
However
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, I believe that cooperation helps to reduce working stress and pressure so that
people
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can improve teamwork.
Body · 1
On the one hand, some percentage of
people
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believe that they can improve performance working under
competition
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, which is important to complete their targets before reaching the deadline.
Therefore
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, those are helpful to success
humans
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lives.
For example
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,when I was at university ,I had a friend
,
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apply
show examples
whose name is kamal and we worked competitively.
Consequently
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,we could get higher grades for our final exam so that I can apply master’s degree in Australia, which I have achieved the greatest thing in my life.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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, if
people
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want to minimise their stress levels and pressure, they can work in cooperation. It would be helpful to increase teamwork
while
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employers are working in the workplace.
Although
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competition
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has increased rapidly, most
people
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would like to work with others.
For instance
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, when I met a university friend in the train, we discussed his working expeirience and I supposed that teamworking is the crucial thing which is very important to build a friendly environment.
Moreover
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, our workplace can be converted into our favourite place with
this
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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humans
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have
competition
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with each other naturally, they can improve their cooperative attributes so that
people
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can mitigate stressful things that help to improve their life stage, and we should try to improve our cooperation skills.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly all through the essay. Say clearly why you think working together is better, and also say if competition is still needed a little.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear. Some parts are hard to follow because the meaning is not exact.
task response
Use examples that are simple and clear. Your school example is real, but explain it more and link it to the topic better.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words like 'therefore', 'however', and 'consequently' should match the meaning exactly.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. Some sentences do not join smoothly, so the flow is weak in a few places.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples from life and study, which helps support your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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