IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Urbanisation has meant that more and more families are raising their children in the city; however, the countryside is a far better environment to bring up children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In the modern world, it is undeniable that urbanisation has led to an increasing number of families raising their
children
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
. Some people believe that the
countryside
Use synonyms
 is a better environment for child development,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that urban areas offer greater
opportunities
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 some may agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, I am opposed to it
due to
Linking Words
 several reasons, which will be examined in
this
Linking Words
 essay. One of the most apparent reasons is that
cities
Use synonyms
 provide better access to education, healthcare, and social
opportunities
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, urban areas usually have well-developed schools, hospitals, and extracurricular activities that support
children
Use synonyms
’s
overall
Linking Words
 development.
For instance
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 can benefit from advanced educational facilities, libraries, and specialised training programmes, which may enhance their academic and professional prospects.
In addition
Linking Words
, exposure to diverse cultures and social environments can help
children
Use synonyms
 develop communication skills and adaptability. Another point that should not be overlooked is that the
countryside
Use synonyms
 offers a healthier and safer environment for
children
Use synonyms
. To clarify, rural areas typically have less pollution, more open space, and a slower pace of life, which can contribute to better physical and mental well-being.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 growing up in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 may have more
opportunities
Use synonyms
 for outdoor activities and closer connections with nature.
However
Linking Words
, these advantages may be limited by fewer educational and healthcare resources compared to
cities
Use synonyms
. To recapitulate, it is evident that
while
Linking Words
 the
countryside
Use synonyms
 provides a cleaner and more peaceful environment,
cities
Use synonyms
 offer essential services and broader
opportunities
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
’s development.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that the
countryside
Use synonyms
 is not necessarily a better place
overall
Linking Words
, as urban environments can provide significant long-term advantages when properly managed.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your side more clear all through the essay. You say you disagree, but one body part gives strong support to the countryside. This can make your main view less clear.
task response
Add more direct support for why the city is better for raising children, not only general points. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and exact. Your examples are fine, but they are still a bit general.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas between body parts more clearly. The second body part mostly supports the other side, so the full flow is a little uneven.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraphing, but some linking words sound a bit formal and fixed. Try to use simpler and more natural links too.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point a little more deeply before moving to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion. This gives the essay a strong basic shape.
task response
Your topic is answered in every part, and you give reasons for your view.
task response
You compare both city life and country life, which shows a balanced discussion.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: