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Writing Samples
Band 6

People ’s character is influenced by environment rather than genetics. Do you agree or disagree?

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To begin
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 with, the ongoing debate over whether people's
character
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 is predominantly shaped by their genetics or
environment
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 has garnered significant attention.
While
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 genetic factors undeniably contribute to certain aspects of an individual's
character
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, I am of the staunch belief that the
environment
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 exerts a greater influence in
molding
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moulding
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 one's
character
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. Primarily, the
environment
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 within which an individual is raised plays a pivotal role in shaping their
character
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. Children absorb behaviours
values
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and values
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 from their surroundings, be it their family, peers, or society.
For example
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, a child nurtured in a supportive
environment
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 is more likely to exhibit positive
character
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traits
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 like empathy, kindness, and resilience.
Conversely
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, a child exposed to a hostile
environment
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 may develop negative
traits
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such
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 as aggression, distrust, and insecurity.
This
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 stark contrast underscores the profound impact of the
environment
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 on
character
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 formation.
One
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On
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 the other hand, the experiences and interactions that individuals undergo in their
environment
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 significantly contribute to their
character
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 development. Take,
for instance
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, a person who has encountered adversity and surmounted challenges in their
environment
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; they are likely to cultivate
traits
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such
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 as perseverance, determination, and fortitude.
Similarly
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, positive experiences and interactions within the
environment
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 can foster
traits
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 like optimism, confidence, and compassion. These instances underscore the fundamental role that the
environment
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 plays in shaping an individual's
character
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.
While
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 genetic inheritance may influence certain
traits
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 like physical appearance or susceptibility to specific illnesses, the impact of the
environment
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 on
character
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 development cannot be overstated. It is the
environment
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 that affords opportunities for learning, personal growth, and social interaction, ultimately influencing the trajectory of an individual's
character
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. By the way of conclusion,
while
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 genetics may exert some sway over an individual's
character
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, it is the
environment
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 that predominates in sculpting one's identity. The experiences, interactions, and surroundings within the
environment
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 wield a profound influence on the formation of an individual's
character
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.

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task achievement
Consider refining your examples to ensure they are specific and directly support your arguments. For instance, instead of general statements, provide concrete instances or studies to illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to occasional grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'behaviours values' should be corrected to 'behaviours and values,' and 'One the other hand' should be 'On the other hand.' These errors can distract the reader and affect the overall clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, both of which help frame the argument effectively.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, providing a clear stance on the topic and discussing both sides before concluding with your viewpoint.
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