IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend.Do you agree or disagree?

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Some people argue that working days should be reduced and employees should have a longer weekend.
This
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 essay completely agrees with that statement. I believe that
although
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 people have a lot of breaks, they can
work
Use synonyms
 efficiently after the holidays, and they can improve their mental health when they spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 with their families, which is a very important requirement in human life.
Firstly
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, people’s stress level has been increasing significantly because they spend a lot of
time
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 at
work
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, so employees can’t spend
time
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 with their families.Does a long break affect
employee’s
Check wording
employees’
show examples
 mental health?
For example
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, my university friends researched
this
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 topic and found that Sri Lankans need to
increase
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 family
time
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.
Therefore
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, they prefer the same concepts,
such
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 as working from home or a longer weekend.
Secondly
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, if we have a long break, we can
work
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 efficently
that is
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 very important to
increase
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 our productivity, which is very important to improve the company’s profit.
Moreover
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, workers can stay focused on their
work
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 with a good break, even though they have other problems.
For instance
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, Japanese scientists have proven that the human brain has three parts, which are used for our essential
work
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, and those parts need a break
while
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 we are working. Nowadays, some companies that think about their staff follow
this
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 strategy. In conclusion, with enough breaks, people can improve their productivity, which is essential to
increase
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 the workers’ efficiency
while
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 they have other problems.
In addition
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, if we can spend
time
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 with our family, it would help to
increase
Use synonyms
 our mental health.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
task response
Add more direct and real examples to support your points.
task response
Explain how each example links to your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea for each paragraph and develop it fully.
coherence and cohesion
Do not add question forms in the middle of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, such as firstly, secondly, moreover, and therefore.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the start and you keep it to the end.
task response
You answer the question and discuss both work and family life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words to guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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