IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Healthcare services considrable as one of the most important humans right globaly. Unfortunately, in regions with a poor economy, many people lost their lifes duo to a lack of medication. Both governments and the pharmaceutical investment market should work together and put an effort to fix
this
Linking Words
phenomenan
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a wide range of individuals suffering from type one and two Diabetes, that requires contenus daily dose of multiple medications. Living with low income makes it difficult for
pataints
Correct your spelling
patients
 to afford the drug price,so they tend to stop the treatment, the symptoms are aggravated, leading to death. Depending on a study published 3 years ago, researche team found that one of the most comen reasonse of neglecting a treatment plan by diabetic patients was economic status.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the role of governments in
this
Linking Words
 situation is very important.
Firstly
Linking Words
,by seeking help from non profit foundation and charity sectors to cover part of healthcare costs in public hospitals by donations and
incoreging voulanteers
Correct your spelling
incorporating volunteers
 with a good income to be part of the social services.
Secondly
Linking Words
, by setting
agreementss
Correct your spelling
agreements
 with pharmaceutical companies to reduce the selling price in their lands and
declining
Wrong verb form
to reduce
show examples
 taxes.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the government should
foucus
Correct your spelling
focus
 on
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 prevention system,
this
Linking Words
 activated by menistrey of Health to improve
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 about chronic diseases,
expanding
Wrong verb form
expand
show examples
 the primary health care
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
show examples
 in contry sides and roular erea to cover medical treatment for poor individuls how are
stragling
Correct your spelling
struggling
 with
illneses
Correct your spelling
illnesses
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, pharmaceutical companies must be moral responsabule to provide access to life-saving medicine.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 have to put more
attentions
Check wording
attention
show examples
 on
this
Linking Words
 problem and save
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say yes, no, or partly yes in the first part, and keep this idea clear in all parts.
task response
Add one more clear reason about why drug companies should reduce prices, not only what governments should do.
task response
Use one or two simple examples with clear detail. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main idea for each paragraph. Do not mix company duty and government duty too much in the same part.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like First, Also, For example, Because, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some ideas are hard to follow because the sentences are too long or not well joined.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
You stay on the topic of medicine, poor countries, and health.
task response
You give a real health example about diabetes, which helps your answer.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: