IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the government should provide free education at every level. However, some say that individuals should pay for their university education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #education #level #say #individuals #university
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While
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 some
people
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 suggest the tuition fee for
university
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 study should be bared by individuals, since they are expected to have a higher income as a reward, I tend to agree with those who have opposite opinions, since free
education
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 for advanced studies could not only minimize the difference between rich
people
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 and those in poverty but enhance the competitiveness of
a
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society as a whole. On the one hand, the opponents of free
education
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 at all levels argue that students who have bachelor's degrees are more likely to have better careers and higher salaries, which could pay back their tuition fee for
university
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 eventually,
hence
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, it is unnecessary for administrations to cover the costs as
such
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.
For example
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,
according to
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 the statistics conducted by the government in Taiwan, the average wage of
university
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 graduates is higher than others and they are favoured by the majority of commercial institutions,
therefore
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,
people
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 consider having higher
education
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 as a personal choice for better careers and should not be founded by authorities.
On the other hand
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, in my perspective, free
university
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education
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 could prompt advantages in various aspects. First of all, students from poor families are able to reverse their current situation by breaking the cycle of poverty with higher academic achievements, which could be the solution to M-shaped societies. On top of that, it is the obligation of governments to cultivate competent
people
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 to stimulate the development in various professional fields, including medicine and science. It helps countries to cope with existing problems and be more competitive in the world.
For instance
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, some developed countries are willing to offer financial subsidies to students to focus on their studies, which helps them to attract gifted individuals around the world. To summarise, the discussion regarding
if
Correct word choice
whether
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 governments should provide free advanced
education
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 has been ongoing for quite a
while
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, some are against
such
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 ideas for the privilege those graduates could have
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes it the behaviour of personal investment,
however
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, I believe that governments have the obligation to cover the costs of
university
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education
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due to
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 the incremental population of degree holders could benefit not only individuals but societies.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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task achievement
Introduce the topic more succinctly in the introduction and clearly outline your stance to provide better foregrounding for the reader.
task achievement
Balance the coverage of each view in the main body. Although it is clear which position you advocate, the opposing view needs equal elaboration.
task achievement
Develop the second point of view with specific and varied examples, as you have done with the first one. This ensures that you meet the criteria of providing relevant, specific examples for both views equally.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured but could benefit from more varied connecting phrases to improve flow and provide clearer transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure paragraphing is clear which aids in demonstrating logical structure. Each main idea should be developed in its own paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas across and within sentences to enhance readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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