IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people think watching tv is bad for children, while others think that watching tv has more beneficial effects on children. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent years, there has been an
argue
Replace the word
argument
 about whether television is useful for
children
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 some people believe that watching TV can affect negatively on
children
Use synonyms
, I believe that it depends on what is displayed. On the one hand, television has several benefits if it’s used in the proper way.
First,
Linking Words
the educational content, a lot of channels and TV show programs about science and mathematics which asset pupils in their studies.
moreover
Linking Words
, it
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
 entertainment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the experience of learning
Linking Words
due
Punctuation problem
, due
show examples
 to
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
children
Use synonyms
developed
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 academically.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 should be exposed to things they should not know about them
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, news channels focus on
measure
Wrong verb form
reporting
show examples
 events around the world, like the words which include violence
, if
Punctuation problem
. If
show examples
children
Use synonyms
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 kind of dangerous news that will affect their mental growth and lead to mental health
like
Check wording
issues like
show examples
 anxiety. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the television can be used as an educational instrument which rise the ability of learning. It has dramatic news
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
 affect
children
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, applying
upon
Change preposition
the
show examples
 approach
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 watching is the best way to prevent its negative
aspect
Check wording
aspects
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully, then make your own view very clear all through the essay.
task response
Add one clear example for each main idea to make your points stronger and easier to trust.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple topic sentence at the start of each body paragraph so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like first, also, however, and because.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point with one more sentence of explanation.
task response
You answered the question and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to discuss both the good side and the bad side of TV for children.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary behavior
  • unrealistic perceptions
  • creative pursuits
  • social development
  • emotional development
  • constructive content
  • screen time
  • parental guidance
  • critical thinking
  • active learning
  • age-appropriate
  • media literacy
  • family bonding
  • moderation
  • perceive
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