IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people regard that we ought to spend money and time protecting wild animals.Others argue that it is better only to spend it on human populations.To what extend do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In modern times, as climate change accelerates, many species are in danger of extinction. It is often argued that spending money and time on animals is more important than spending them only on human populations. In my opinion, spending resources shouldn't be limited to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. Rather, we should use our resources to preserve species for two reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, animals are deeply related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our lives. Literally, we could die if we don't preserve them. We use animals and insects as our agricultural implements.
For example
Linking Words
, bees are important to
pollination
Add an article
the pollination
show examples
 of flowers which leads directly to crop yields.
Due to
Linking Words
 climate change, a lot of bees
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 dead all over the world. Many scientists
predicted
Wrong verb form
predict
show examples
 humans are going to extinct if more bees die
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
Linking Words
 rate. And
secondly
Linking Words
,
wildlife
Use synonyms
 is inseparable
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 human society. Focusing on human development should not exclude
wildlife
Use synonyms
 protection as both can be achieved together. Investment in
wildlife
Use synonyms
 protection can lead to eco-tourism, offering local communities economic benefits without depleting natural resources. Representatively, Greece is one of the famous
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 which uses
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 sublime ecosystem as
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 revenue model. To summarise, For ethical and moral reasons, humans have a responsibility to protect other species which they are threatening
due to
Linking Words
 urban expansion and industrial activities. Investing in
wildlife
Use synonyms
 protection can mitigate these anthropogenic pressures.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence
While your essay addresses the prompt well, ensure that every point is clearly linked to the central thesis and that transitional phrases smoothly connect ideas.
Cohesion
Improve sentence structures and avoid repetition to enhance the logical flow of your ideas.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides relevant and specific examples, such as the role of bees in agriculture and Greece’s eco-tourism, which effectively support your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-written, clearly presenting and summarizing your viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ecosystem
  • biodiversity
  • eco-tourism
  • natural resources
  • intrinsic value
  • economic benefits
  • resource allocation
  • immediate benefits
  • infrastructure
  • anthropogenic
  • urban expansion
  • industrial activities
  • environmental balance
  • long-term effects
  • moral responsibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: