Some people think the government should spend more money on sport facilities for top athletes. Other people think the government should spend more money on sport facilities for everybody. Discuss both views

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Nowadays in society, some
people
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argue that
authories
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authorities
should spend more money on
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sport
Replace the word
sports
facilities
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for top athletes,
while
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others believe the government should develope
sport
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facilities
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for everyone. From my
prespective
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perspective
, both views are important, and a balance should be achieved. On the one hand, spending on
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sport
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sports
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facilities
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for top athletes brings several benefits.
Firstly
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, it can enhance
national
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the national
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reputation. Many
people
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care about the competition in the world,
such
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as the
world cup
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World Cup
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, the Olympics,
social
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and social
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media will post
alot
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a lot
of information
in
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about the
show examples
championship,
it
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which
show examples
could bring international success.
For example
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,
due to
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internatinal
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international
competitions
such
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as the
world baseball classic
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World Baseball Classic
show examples
(W.B.C), some
people
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focus on Taiwan, because
team
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Team
show examples
Taiwan experienced
the
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a
show examples
tough situation during the game, but they did not give up.
Secondly
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, it can attract
tourisum
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tourism
, when major
evvents
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events
are held, cities become busier and attract
tourist
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tourists
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.
For instance
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, the
Olympic
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Olympics
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were held
on
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apply
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in Paris a few years ago,
this
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city became more lively and
crowed
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crowded
show examples
,
those can
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which
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helped boost the
ecnomy
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economy
.
On the other hand
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, spending on
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sport
Replace the word
sports
facilities
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for everyone
also
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has some
adavantanges
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advantages
.
Firstly
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, it can
imporve
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improve
public health. If
people
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can easily find a place to do exercise, it can
encouragetic
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encourage
them
do
Verb problem
to do
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it
regulary
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regularly
. Many experts say that doing
exerice
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exercise
can reduce stress and
makes
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make
show examples
people
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feel
energy
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energetic
.
Therefore
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, building some
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sport
Replace the word
sports
facilities
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is important for
public
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the public
show examples
. Another advantage is that it can encourage social
interation
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interaction
,
people
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have more opportunities to make friends, which could improve social
connects
Replace the word
connections
, reduce social isolation.
For instance
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, in local parks, children can interact with other children and develop friendships, which may
last
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into the future. In conclusion, the government spend money on building the
sport
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facilities
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for top
athletics
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athletes
show examples
can enhance national reputation and boost
the
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apply
show examples
tourism.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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the
authories
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authorities
spend money on
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sport
Replace the word
sports
facilities
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for everone can improve public health and
soical interation
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social interaction
.
Therefore
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, it is important to find a balance between these two approaches.

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task response
For task response, you answer both sides and give your own view, so this is good. But some ideas are not fully clear. Add one more clear sentence to explain why each point matters.
task response
For task response, your examples are linked to the topic, but some are too general or not exact. Use one simple and direct example for each main point.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear 4-part shape: intro, 2 body parts, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some sentences are very long and hard to follow. Make shorter sentences and put one main idea in each sentence.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, linking words are used, but sometimes they are basic or not smooth. Use clear links like first, also, as a result, and in contrast in the right place.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some support is weak. After each main point, add a short reason and then one example.
task response
You discuss both views, not only one side.
task response
You give your opinion in the introduction and again in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to see in parts, with clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like on the one hand, on the other hand, firstly, and therefore.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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