IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research,business and the academic world .Other believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

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Sharing
information
Use synonyms
 is
actual
Correct article usage
an actual
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 issue in our world where it has
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
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 influence on
people
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 .There are various spheres of our life where
information
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 is more or less important for
people
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 working there
Punctuation problem
, on
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on out
Correct your spelling
outside
 of
this
Linking Words
.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Add a comma
reason,
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 some
people
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 consider that it is good to
share
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information
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while
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 others think in
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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 way.
Foe
Use the right word
For
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 example,
pratically
Correct your spelling
practically
 all scientists are glad to
share
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information
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while
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 ordinary
people
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 or other
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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. There is no competition in
this
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 sphere. Sometimes it is bad for goverment which scientist
share
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 the secret
information
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 with international spy but it will not hurt
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information
Correct article usage
the information
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. There are some simple rules in
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
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 world which limite informational sources between
people
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. If
person
Correct article usage
a person
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 is interested in
theme discussing
Correct word order
discussing the theme
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 with you and you are ready to keep
talking
Punctuation problem
talking,
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then
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 the person gives you all
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information
Correct article usage
the information
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what
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 he knows for free.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,if
th eperson
Correct your spelling
the person
 knows
much
Rephrase
a lot
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 and he knows that you can not give him actual or new
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information
Punctuation problem
information,
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then
Linking Words
 he will
share
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information
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 with you just for money.
For example
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,
student
Correct article usage
a student
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pay
Correct subject-verb agreement
pays
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 for his learning
while
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 two students can cooperate and
share
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information
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 with each other. It is
obviously
Replace the word
obvious
 that sharing
information
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 in
bisiness worls
Correct your spelling
business worlds
 can
follows
Wrong verb form
follow
show examples
 releases. There is
large
Correct article usage
a large
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 competition
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it may takes much costs for companies. Companies
loose
Use the right word
lose
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 their profit every day because
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
 can not keep silence especially
IT
Change preposition
in IT
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 companies.
To sum up
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 all
above
Correct article usage
the above
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it
Punctuation problem
, it
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 is necessary to say that there are some spheres in which sharing
information
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 is a crime .In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 in many
cases
Punctuation problem
cases,
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information
Use synonyms
 can be too important or sharing ok all.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why sharing is good and why some facts should stay private.
task response
Give your opinion in a direct way in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
Main ideas are present, but some are hard to understand. Use short clear sentences.
task response
Use one main idea for each body part. Then add one simple example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with words like First, Also, However, For example, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some parts do not connect well. Make sure each sentence follows the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph order. Put science in one part and business or school in another part.
task response
You address the topic and discuss both views.
task response
You try to use examples from science, school, and business.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
You separated the essay into paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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