Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantage of technology outweigh the disadvantages

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Nowadays, some individuals use social
media
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as a way to stay connected with others and remain informed about current events. From my point of view,
although
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there are some drawbacks, the positive aspects outweigh them.
To begin
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with, the advantages of social
media
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help
people
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to keep in touch with others, especially with relatives and friends who live far away. With the assistance of social
media
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and phones,
people
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can easily communicate from any part of the world.
For example
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, currently, some individuals have busy lifestyles and cannot make time for loved ones.
As a result
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, they become distant,
while
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social
media
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is preventing
this
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. Regarding the second benefit, news
media
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and social platforms play an important role in making
people
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aware of natural catastrophes.
For instance
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, warning messages shared online can help residents evacuate dangerous areas before disaster strikes.
In addition
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, social
media
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helps spread important information, connects
people
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during emergencies, and allows authorities to communicate directly with the public.
Consequently
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, individuals become more informed, prepared, and able to respond effectively in critical situations. In terms of disadvantages, modern devices can be harmful to
people
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's health. The excessive amount of time spent using technology leads to serious health problems
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such
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, such
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as a decrease in eyesight and bad posture. One case in point is that almost all professions now involve the use of technological devices, which are very harmful, and yet, despite
this
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,
people
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use them even at home for communication, causing twice as much harm. In conclusion, I reckon that with responsible usage and critical thinking, the advantages of technology clearly outweigh its disadvantages.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You say the good points are stronger, but the bad side is short.
task response
Give one more clear example for the bad side, not only health problems in general.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear in each body paragraph from the first sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long. Split them into shorter parts to make the flow easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are good, but too many can sound heavy.
task response
You answer the question and clearly say your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas are mostly in a good order and easy to follow.
task response
You use examples about family contact and danger news, which support your points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • keep in touch
  • stay connected
  • social media platform
  • instant message
  • share updates
  • breaking news
  • real-time information
  • false information
  • fake news
  • trusted source
  • face-to-face communication
  • screen time
  • online pressure
  • daily life
  • low-cost communication
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