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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, online shopping has eclipsed in-store shopping and this trend has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this trend is not without disadvantages, the upsides will justify these.

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Online shopping has been more popular than in-store shopping
due to
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 some advantages, e.g.
time
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 saving, real-
time
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 comparison and convenience in delivery.
However
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, some people prefer in-store shopping, as they are able to check a
product
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's
quality
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 and get the right size or model at one go. There are some benefits of online shopping, which are,
firstly
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, that individuals save a lot of
time
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 because they do not need to go to the stores, and waste their
time
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 searching for the
product
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 that they would like to purchase.
For example
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, if they type the name of the
product
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 on the internet, the results will quickly come up.
In addition
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, the payment procedure is convenient; they can use a credit card or Apple Pay, which usually takes less than a minute to complete.
Secondly
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, Online shopping allows buyers to do a real-
time
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 comparison, which means they can compare the same
product
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 between shops and get the best deal.
Next,
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they do not need to carry all the stuff themselves, as it will get delivered to the place. Some vendors guarantee that their customers will get the delivery within 24 hours, which is convenient.
However
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, there are some drawbacks to buying things from the internet. First of all, a
quality
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 cannot be guaranteed. Apart from checking the reviews online from the people who buy things from the same shop, there is no way to ensure that the
items
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 they buy are real, or it is in a good
quality
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.
For instance
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, when purchasing some clothes, the fabric might be too thin and rough.
While
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 going to the store, they can check the real
quality
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 of that item.
In addition
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, some individuals are concerned about suitability, particularly the clothes and accessories, because they cannot try them on, so it is difficult for them to determine if the
items
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 look good on them. To illustrate, they might order the
items
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 in the wrong size, which can be too tight or too loose on them. In conclusion, some people find online shopping beneficial
due to
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time
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 saving, real-
time
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 comparison and convenience in delivery.
While
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 some disagree with that because the
product
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's
quality
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 cannot be guaranteed, and they cannot try the
items
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 on. In my opinion, after
my
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
careful consideration, I think the advantages of online shopping outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the first part. Say early that you think the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Add one more clear example for the bad side, like late delivery or wrong items, to make your ideas more full.
task response
Some ideas are good but a few are repeated. Try to explain each main point once, then support it with one simple example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape, which is good. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some are good, but too many can make the flow less natural.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are too long. Split them into two shorter sentences to make your meaning easier to follow.
task response
You answer both sides and give your own view at the end.
task response
Your ideas stay on the topic all the way through.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs have one main focus, so the reader can follow your points.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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