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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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It is commonly believed that
to
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 unite all
people
 from different cultures and ages
together with
musicmusic
Correct your spelling
music music
. I agree with the statement because
this
music
 will teach another
language
, promote
empathy
, and celebrate diversity.
Firstly
, one reason why
music
 might be crucial to uniting the whole
people
 of the world is providing another
language
. In the cutting-edge era, individuals can access some
music
 from different countries.
While
 they feel the melody of the
music
 is good even though they do not know the meaning of the song. they might be curious about the meaning and undeliberately
then
 they study
this
language
.
Therefore
,
music
 is one of the factors why
people
 want to study another
language
. Another consideration why
music
 is a good way of uniting
people
 of different cultures and ages together is promoting
empathy
.
Music
 serves as a powerful tool for expressing the current state of a country. By listening to
music
 that reflects different nations, individuals can develop a deeper understanding of global issues and cultivate
empathy
 towards
people
 from diverse cultural backgrounds.
Lastly
, the other point on
music
 that can unite all
people
 is celebrating diversity. Each country has different races and perspectives which is the source of problems. By providing
music
, they can leverage one moment to celebrate diversity like a country has won a champion league in soccer. In conclusion, bringing
people
 of different cultures and ages together can be done through
music
 to study another
language
, promote a sense of
empathy
, and celebrate a different culture.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score further, make sure each paragraph clearly supports your main argument with specific examples and clear explanations. While you have provided some examples, elaborating more on how these examples support your argument can enhance clarity and impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and using a wide range of vocabulary to convey your points more vividly. This can also include using transition words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, making your writing more engaging and easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided a clear and logical structure to your essay, which helps in making your argument coherent and easy to follow.
Task Achievement
You effectively addressed the prompt, providing a comprehensive response to the topic and clearly stating your agreement with the idea that music unites people of different cultures and ages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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