(VMN)In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?
At
the
present, Correct article usage
apply
technology
is becoming an indespensable
part of life for Correct your spelling
indispensable
people
as modern techniques are helping them in many ways, and governments
around the world are investing their money
in order to invent new technological methods to deal with its
citizens.
Correct pronoun usage
their
Governments
are doing that to suppot
their residents, and Correct your spelling
support
also
to reduce its
burden. Correct pronoun usage
their
In addition
, with the invention of new techniques individuals are saving their time. For example
, at various train and bus stations in different countries travellers are able to recharge their travel cards by themsleves
without standing in a queue, waiting for an operator to do that for them, and in Correct your spelling
themselves
this
way
both the officers and Add a comma
way,
a
passengers are able to save a lot of time. Correct article usage
the
Also
, there are jouney
planner applications available for Correct your spelling
journey
people
, and people
can download them in order to plan their jouney
without any hassle. Correct your spelling
journey
Moreover
, governments
have made things easy and convenient for their locals, and people
are able to solve their problems by making only a phone call to any government office without leaving their comforts from
home. Change preposition
of
For instance
, earlier people
had to visit these offices and had to
wait for hours in order to get their work done, but now facilities like email, Verb problem
apply
automated
options on call are available to Correct word choice
and automated
sought
out enquiries Change the verb
seek
of
Change preposition
from
people
, and this
is all possible due to
advancements in technology
.
In my opinion, governments
are utilising their money
in a positive way
, and this
is definitely not a waste of money
because this
is what a
modern society demands today. Correct article usage
apply
Governments
by their inventions in technology
are helping their residents in various ways. Government needs to put aside a specific budget to upgrade technology
for the wellfare
and well-being of its Correct your spelling
welfare
people
.
In conclusion, investing time and money
to invent new things in the form of technology
always makes life
of Add an article
the life
people
smooth, and governments
of different countries are taking this
step to support its
citizens in a positive Correct pronoun usage
their
way
, I believe it is a
right decision by them because ultimately it is helping Correct article usage
the
people
one way
or the other.Submitted by harleenarora620 on
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Language use
To enhance your essay, aim for variety in sentence structures, which can help in demonstrating a higher level of English proficiency.
Grammar & Spelling
Ensure minor grammatical and spelling errors are corrected, as these can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing. Examples include 'indespensable' (should be 'indispensable'), 'suppot' (should be 'support'), and 'jouney' (should be 'journey').
Task Achievement
Although your essay addresses the prompt, going deeper into the implications of technological investment and perhaps comparing it with other spending priorities could provide a more nuanced perspective.
Coherence & Cohesion
To strengthen coherence, consider connecting your paragraphs with more explicit linking words or phrases that show the relationships between your ideas more clearly. This helps in making the argument flow more naturally.
Introduction & Conclusion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.
Supporting Examples
Your use of specific examples, like that of travel card recharges and journey planner applications, effectively supports your main points.
Logical Structure
Your essay maintains a logical flow, discussing the reasons for government investment in technology, followed by your own viewpoint, and concluding with the overall benefits.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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