IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantage of technology outweigh the disadvantages

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In recent years, citizens have used social
media
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 to communicate with other
people
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 and keep up with news events.
Although
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 it has easy and fast accessibility and makes it easy to make friends, spending a lot of time is bad for health.
Thus
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, I believe that the advantage outweighs the disadvantage. One significant benefit is easy and fast accessibility.
In other words
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,
people
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 get the information easily whenever they want.
For example
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, these days the technology has been developing rapidly over the past three decades. So, if they have any problem, they can look it up online easily.
In addition
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, there are a lot of platforms like YouTube and Safari.
That is
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 why they can get the information by watching a video or checking the website. Another key advantage is making friends easily. If they do not know how to make a friend in person, the internet will be very helpful for them. Because, the social
media
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 can offer some opportunities for them to meet new
people
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 and get to know each other.
On the other hand
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, an apparent drawback is spending too much time.
This
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 means that humankind will become addicted
while
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 they use social
media
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.
For instance
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, many
people
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 use their smartphones to watch TikTok or YouTube, even though they have a task or homework.
Furthermore
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, using social
media
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 affects their health,
such
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 as causing poor eyesight. In conclusion, some
people
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 use social
media
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 to keep in touch with other
people
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 and news events.
While
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 offering good access and meeting new
people
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 online, getting addicted can affect
their
Fix the agreement mistake
one's
show examples
 health.
Thus
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, I believe that the good point outweighs the negative point.

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task response
Answer the question more fully. You say the good points are stronger, but explain more clearly why they are stronger than the bad point.
task response
Give deeper ideas. Some points are clear, but they are still basic and short.
task response
Use examples that are more specific and real. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. A few sentences feel separate, not well joined.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point more. Some ideas need one more sentence of explanation.
task response
You answer both sides and give your opinion.
task response
Your main idea is easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple link words like 'On the other hand' and 'In conclusion'.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • keep in touch
  • stay connected
  • social media platform
  • instant message
  • share updates
  • breaking news
  • real-time information
  • false information
  • fake news
  • trusted source
  • face-to-face communication
  • screen time
  • online pressure
  • daily life
  • low-cost communication
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