IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

An increasing number of professionals, such as teachers and doctors, are leaving their own countries to work in developed countries. What are the causes of these problems? What solutions can you suggest?

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In the modern world, a growing number of
professionals
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,
such
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 as
teachers
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 or
doctors
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, are more likely to leave their own land in order to
work
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 in developed
countries
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. Some people believe that the main reason for
this
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 situation is low earnings,
while
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 others think a lack of proper working
conditions
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 led to making these decisions for these cadres. In my opinion,
due to
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 both inadequate
salaries
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 and poor working
conditions
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, skilled workers,
such
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 as
doctors
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 and
teachers
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, are leaving their nations to be engaged in well-developed
countries
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. To tackle
this
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 issue among the working class, I think that the government should increase payment and improve the working environment.
This
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 essay will discuss the main causes of
this
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 problem and propose effective solutions. One of the most apparent causes of
this
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 problem is the shortage of skilled workers. Because of the loss of experts to other regions, some poor nations face a greater lack of skilled employees. Many
professionals
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, especially in healthcare and education sectors,
work
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 in developed
countries
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due to
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 more sufficient working
conditions
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 and
also
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 high
salaries
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.
As a result
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, the government loses the most powerful
teachers
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 and
doctors
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.
This
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 affects the country's welfare and
also
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 education.
For example
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, if the most qualified
teachers
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 and
doctors
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 go to developed regions, our country will be left with these skilled
professionals
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.
As a result
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, the country will become poorer and
also
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 have insufficient cadres,
such
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 as not teaching better children or treating people well. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 situation, governments should improve working
conditions
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 and
also
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 increase monthly
salaries
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 for both
teachers
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 and
doctors
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. To clarify, improve some poor equipment and arrange a friendly working atmosphere compared to stressful and pressure will support more
professionals
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 to
work
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 in their
countries
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.
Therefore
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, increasing payments for
teachers
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 and
doctors
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 will
also
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 be a good solution for experts to
work
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 in their own community.
For example
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, many
doctors
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 and
teachers
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work
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 in a stressful working environment, which causes more pressure and tiredness.
Likewise
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, many specialists do not like to receive low income. The reason for
that is
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 that living in recent years has become more complicated
due to
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 every item or thing associated with money. So, they have to leave their nations because of
this
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 problem.
However
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, if the government addresses these problems,
such
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 as low pay and poor working
conditions
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, many
professionals
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 will
work
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 in their own community
instead
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 of working abroad.
Furthermore
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, improving equipment and providing enough tools for clinics and schools
also
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 helps to tackle
this
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 issue. To recapitulate, it is evident that working in well-developed
countries
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 is mainly caused by the
work
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 atmosphere and insufficient
salaries
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,
while
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 effective solutions include improving the
work
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 environment and promoting higher wages.
Therefore
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, the governments should take steps to provide the best equipment that development leads not only to economic growth but
also
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 to a better quality of life.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly: causes and solutions.
task response
Use ideas that match the question. Do not say the cause is the shortage of skilled workers; this is more a result.
task response
Add one clear cause in each body part, then explain it well.
task response
Use more clear and real examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end.
coherence cohesion
Some linking words are good, but some sentences are hard to follow.
coherence cohesion
Keep one main idea in one paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Make topic sentences more direct and easy to understand.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction.
task response
You include both causes and solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You use linking words like 'for example', 'however', and 'therefore'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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