Some people believe that mobile phones must be banned in public places such as libraries, shops or public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Nowadays, there are
people
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who have different views on portable and handheld
devices
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such
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as smartphones. They believe that in public places like stores, trains, and libraries, these
devices
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must be prohibited. I disagree that
this
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act would have significant benefits for society. Many of the
people
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who support the banning of mobile
devices
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may be concerned about their privacy.
For instance
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, during checkouts in stores and shopping malls, there are individuals who use their phones to steal other
people
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's card information, causing fear and discouraging others from using their cards.
Moreover
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, those who strongly agree with
this
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opinion think that bringing a
phone
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to a library would only cause noise and chaos because phones ring a lot
due to
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notifications. Individuals
such
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as students and teenagers may forget to
silent
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silence
their phones most of the time,
consequently
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leading to a worse reading experience for others.
On the other hand
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, having a smart device in
such
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places can have many benefits.
For example
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, smartphone cameras have improved drastically over the
last
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decade
,
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;
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they can be
axcellent
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excellent
tools to record evidence in the event of a robbery or accident. Many countries rely on footage shared on social media to find criminals and thieves
that
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who
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have been identified.
Furthermore
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, these
devices
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can help make personal belongings more secure. In fact, many major smartphone companies
such
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as Apple and Samsung have applications where you can add your card information, meaning that you no longer need to carry a wallet or
creadit
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credit
card. Everything from your wallet, cash, and even your ID can be stored on your
phone
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. If someone somehow manages to steal your smartphone, they would still need to enter a passcode to access your information.
Also
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, when it comes to emergency situations, it is evident that using a
phone
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is the most convenient way to ask for help. If there is a
singal
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signal
, there is help on the way. To recapitulate, it is true that bringing a mobile
phone
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to public spaces may cause worry and concern for some
people
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.
However
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, the advantages of these electronics that span from extended security to privacy are so useful and crucial that not allowing them would cause more damage than good.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the first part. Say from the start that you do not agree with a full ban.
task response
Add one more line on why a ban may help in some places, then show why your side is stronger. This will make your answer feel more full.
task response
Some ideas are good but not always fully clear. Keep each point short and direct, and explain it in one simple way.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. At times, long lines join too many ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each part. This will make the flow easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word form and spelling errors, because they can make the line harder to read.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear side.
task response
Your examples about shops, the library, crime, and help in danger fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each part has a main point, and most ideas connect well.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Etiquette
  • Tranquility
  • Prohibit
  • Intrusive
  • Courtesy
  • Essential communication
  • Public decorum
  • Designated areas
  • Safety concerns
  • Noise pollution
  • Digital etiquette
  • Enforcement measures
  • Civic responsibility
  • Silent mode
  • Connectivity
  • Invasiveness
  • Social norms
  • Policy implementation
  • Moderation
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