IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
First of all,
according to
Linking Words
 some studies in specific
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 the average weight is increasing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 fitness and
health
Use synonyms
 levels are decreasing. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss some of the main causes
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these related problems and possible
solution
Check wording
solutions
show examples
 in order to eliminate the risks. Nowadays, we
facing
Verb problem
are facing
show examples
 multiple
health
Use synonyms
 issues
due to
Linking Words
wrong
Correct article usage
a wrong
show examples
 lifestyle or
adapt
Wrong verb form
adapting
show examples
 to bad habit destroy our system.
Firstly
Linking Words
, obesity
one
Verb problem
is one
show examples
 of
more
Correct article usage
the more
show examples
 common
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 worldwide,
with
Change preposition
across a
show examples
 range of age groups, but more commonly among teenagers for both genders
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
statistics
Punctuation problem
statistics,
show examples
 females are more likely to
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
 overweight than males around the world. There are
multi
Correct word choice
multiple
show examples
 factors causing
this
Linking Words
 problem
include
Wrong verb form
, including
show examples
 biological
effect
Check wording
effects
show examples
,
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hormonal dysfunction, consumption of
fat
Replace the word
fatty
 and unhealthy products,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 physical activities play
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
show examples
rule
Check wording
role
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 and fitness.
Moreover
Linking Words
, obesity may be inherited
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 both parents or
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 gene effect among the previous generations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, to reduce or prevent
the
Verb problem
being
show examples
 overweight, we should be aware of the cause or trying to adapt to
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifestyles
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyle
show examples
, involve activities
such
Linking Words
activities like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 walking or running, weightlifting,
any
Correct word choice
or any
show examples
 kind of exercises enhance and
promote the
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
show examples
health
Use synonyms
. There are a lot of studies as evidence about the importance of workouts not only for body appearance,
the
Correct word choice
but also the
show examples
 most effective
that
Check wording
aspect that
show examples
 sports and exercises reduce the chances of heart diseases and improve the function of the heart.
In addition
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
has
Correct pronoun usage
it has
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental
health
Use synonyms
 as well,
reduces the
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 stress, anxiety and depression.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more clearly: causes and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Add one clear main idea in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words like first, also, for example, and in the end.
task response
Give one or two real examples to support each point.
coherence and cohesion
Write a short ending that repeats your main answer.
task response
Explain ideas more fully so the reader can follow them easily.
task response
You stay on the topic from start to end.
task response
You give some causes and some ways to solve the problem.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and body paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like firstly, moreover, and on the other hand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: