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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, some people believe that schools should focus more on promoting self-confidence in young learners rather than academic knowledge. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

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Nowadays, some
people
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 believe that schools should focus more on promoting self-confidence in young learners rather than academic
knowledge
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. Why is that?
People
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 think that academic
knowledge
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 alone is not enough to complete
children
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’s lives. From my perspective, I think that both are important for young learners to succeed in their lives. For that reason,
people
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 have changed their opinions about whether academic
knowledge
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 alone is enough for life.
Firstly
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, I want to say that in schools, many
children
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 focus only on their academic studies, but
this
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 is a huge problem because it cannot make them good
people
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 for society. In Sri Lanka, educational authorities and the government have made some changes to increase self-confidence in young learners.
For example
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, schools
organize
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organise
show examples
 some clubs and societies on Fridays. These are very important for
children
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 to improve their life skills. Another point is that a child who has only academic
knowledge
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 does not succeed in life without self-confidence. The university is one of the best places to improve students’ confidence.
However
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, most students do not use the facilities in universities to improve their abilities. In Sri Lanka, all universities have career guidance units that help students succeed in their lives. In my opinion,
this
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 idea is very important for
children
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’s future, so we need to discuss it as a society because
children
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 are our future. If we cannot combine these qualities, it will be a huge problem for our society. I think parents
also
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 have a big role in
this
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.
For example
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, they can guide their
children
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 without focusing only on academic studies

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task response
Answer the question more directly. The topic asks if schools should focus more on self-confidence than academic knowledge. Your view is that both matter, but you should say this clearly at the start and keep this idea all through the essay.
task response
Explain why you think both are important. Some ideas are good, but they need more support. Add one or two clear reasons in each body paragraph.
task response
Use examples that fit the main point better. Your examples about clubs and career units are relevant, but they need more detail to show how they build confidence.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main points easier to follow. Each paragraph should have one clear topic, then explanation, then example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Words like firstly, another point, however, and for example are used, but some links feel basic or repeated. Try to connect cause and result more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is present, but it should fully restate your opinion in a direct way. End with one clear sentence about your level of agreement.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Your essay stays on the general topic of school, confidence, and learning.
task response
You use some real-life examples from Sri Lanka, which helps support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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