Smartphones can have a positive effect on children’s education and social development, and children should be able to use them freely in school and at home. To what extent do you agree?

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It is often argued that children can access smartphones without any limitations.
While
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some people believe that these cell
phones
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will be beneficial to young learners for learning and social development. I partially agree with
this
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idea.
This
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essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my opinion. To commence with, one of the main reasons is that the young ones can improve their school grades by using these handheld
devices
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.
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This
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is because if they do not understand any topic in school, they have an opportunity to check online resources to look for solutions to their doubts.
For example
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, a student who is not meeting his expectations in school, using online learning platforms
such
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as YouTube can improve their scores.
In addition
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, they can
also
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take online coaching focusing on their weak areas of study.
Therefore
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, digital
devices
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can prove a blessing in students' lives.
Secondly
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, these
devices
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can be helpful in developing social skills among growing children.
This
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is because young students can develop social skills by joining groups on these mobile
phones
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with internet.
In addition
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, they can interact with a diverse group of people across the world , which
build
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builds
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their confidence.
In contrast
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, there are some drawbacks
of
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to
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using mobile
devices
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like
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, such as
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distractions and detrimental health concerns.
This
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is usually
due to
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unrestricted and unsupervised access to
phones
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. Growing kids cannot limit their screen time
themselves on
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or
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phone usage unless there is parental control. To recapitulate,
although
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handheld
devices
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offer several merits to minors, they can
also
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affect them in negative ways. I believe that
phones
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are not only helping school-going kids with their homework but
also
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aiding them in enhancing skills.So a balanced approach is essential to maximise the benefits from smartphones in children's lives.

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task response
Answer the question more directly all through the essay. Say clearly how far you agree, not just at the end.
task response
Give one or two more clear examples to support your main ideas.
task response
Develop the bad side more. You mention it, but the idea is short.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. A few sentences feel too long or not fully joined.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same subject in examples. You use 'a student' and then 'their scores'.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are mostly in a good order, so the essay is easy to follow.
task response
You answer both sides and give your own view.
task response
The example of using YouTube and online learning is relevant.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • positive effect
  • education
  • social development
  • use freely
  • learning app
  • online lesson
  • group chat
  • keep in touch
  • school work
  • useful tool
  • clear rules
  • time limit
  • teacher control
  • parent guidance
  • lose focus
  • cheat in class
  • too much screen time
  • face-to-face talk
  • balance
  • to some extent
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